For the BELIEVERS

precious friends... :)  happy holidayyys!  It has been a while, but I hope each one of you found yourselves drifting off to sleep on November 24th with little tummies and hearts alike full of and from Thanksgiving!  I was so lucky to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with people I love so dearly, and that, in itself, was plenty to be thankful for though there are so many other things -- my cup overflows.  And now the most wonderful time of year is upon us!

As I'm certain many of you can relate, the past few months have been filled with busy schedules, papers, tests, work, friends, engagements, family, laughter, tears, love, peace, anxiety, sweet treats, books, joy, difficulties, decisions, emails, movies, TV on DVD, countless cups of coffee, phone calls, text messages, running, maybe a few letters here and there, and hopefully some late-night-pillow-talk with your bestie!  College is such a precious season of life, and I can hardly believe that it is a mere five months away from coming to a close.

I've made more genuine, loving, forgiving friends in the past four years than I ever thought humanly possible.  I'm so undeserving of them and undoubtedly do not thank Jesus enough for the precious people whom He has so gracefully allowed me to share life with these past few years.  Everything from living in the dorms to eating at the Caf to living in Theta and running down Chautauqua to spilling coffee on the way to class and drinking PTLs with the besties and biking around campus will forever be treasured in my mind.  Norman, Oklahoma is filled with so many vivid memories and so many more than my own.  Hundreds of thousands of lives have dwelt on this campus for over a hundred years.  As trite as it may sound, if walls could talk, I can only imagine the stories they'd have to tell.  But when I think of the stories that might be told of friends picnicking on the South Oval or pulling all-nighters at the Bizz during finals week or secret crushes in Microeconomics or tests taken in Dale or papers turned in at Gittenger or couples secretly (or not so secretly) makin' out in the Stacks, they're all special.

But what makes them even more special is when you connect the stories themselves to the people whom the stories are about.

Life in itself is so beautiful.  Creation is stunning and breathtaking, and so many times even a mere picture of the reality itself can move us to tears -- or me to tears at least (although we all know that isn't too much of a challenge).  How the universe works is mind-boggling, and I can't even attempt to begin to understand it.  I mean I could attempt, but let's be real, my efforts probs wouldn't be that fruitful.  Maybe your thing is the intricacies of how birds chirp and bees fly...  Or heck, I don't know, maybe you really like learning about chlorine or hydrogen or salinization or analyzing Shakespearian sonnets.  We're all special and unique in the things we enjoy.  But what is even more special than that...

is who we are.  

As cheesy as it sounds, what is most special about people is the heart behind their actions, the thoughts behind their words.  Think about the people you really love and the people who really love you.  You don't love them because they can name every species of caterpillar known to man.  Maybe you love caterpillars because they love caterpillars.  But I'd venture to say you love the people in your life because of something else -- something deeper.

You're special because of who you are -- because of what makes you who you are.  You're special because your heart and mind are uniquely yours.  For all the pain and joy dwelling inside of you, your story -- like mine -- is completely imperfect.  Yet the stories of all of our lives woven together somehow make something incredible.

For all of our hurts and pains and scars and joys and moments of sheer glee and freedom, while there is so much emotion (good and bad) tied up in those things, in reality, those are the things that have truly shaped us into who we are.  More so than that even, however, it is often the feelings we've experienced in life that allow us to relate to one another most deeply.  Shared experiences are so wonderful in fostering friendships, but more often than not -- it is the shared emotion from those shared experiences that bind us together in a beautiful way.  For even when the pictures of our lives aren't particularly pretty, when the stories of our lives lie next to one another, they're somehow so much stronger.

I always quote Frederick Buechner.  In fact, I've probably referenced this exact quote before, but it's my favorite... "The grace of God means something like this: Here is your life.  You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you.  Here is the world.  Beautiful and terrible things happen.  Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It's for you I created the universe. I love you.  There's only one catch.  Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you'll reach out and take it.  Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too."

I love that.  You're a part of the party.  Heck, we are in the middle of the party!  And I'm pretty confident that even amidst all of its pain and suffering, life is a stinkin' awesome party.  Thank you, Lord, for inviting us.  

So many times we can get so caught up with what we're doing rather than resting in who we are.  I can be so guilty of this at times.  But here is the beautiful part... You weren't invited to the party because of what you do but because of who you are and even more so because of who God is.  But even above the idea that life is a party and we're all invited (we just have to show up), maybe the coolest thing is that behind all the little stories that make up the overarching story of an individual's life, there exists the creator of all good stories Himself.

He has already given us the most meaningful story of them all.  And in regard to His story, He simply asks us to believe.  Behind that story was a man named Jesus and behind Jesus was God because Jesus is God.  Jesus said that by looking at himself we could know and have seen God. See John 1:14, John 1:18, and John 14:5-14.  So many times we create in our minds a picture of what God looks like based off of our own experiences with authority figures or our own fathers even.  But GOD IS PERFECT.  God is the PERFECT Father. He is the DIVINE creator.  He is our protector, our high priest, our daddy.  He is PEACE and LOVE and JOY.  He is beginning and end.  All the good jokes -- he came up with them first.  He forgives always even when we cannot forgive ourselves.  He is faithful even when we are not.  He never leaves us and will never leave us.  He is so complex that to even begin to describe Him would completely limit His power and the entirety of who He is.

And yet we have such a difficult time believing and trusting.  (We aren't alone -- it happened to Job and Moses too... For God's response to Job see there.  Wowzers.  And before then when Moses doubted God's ability to use him, God replied, "I AM WHO I AM."

It's like He says, "Get in the boat.  I will be with you wherever you go.  I know you can't do it.  I know you can't possibly understand how much I love you or all that I am doing, but you underestimate me so.  Oh and did you forget... I win.  I already won."

I want to be completely honest in that some days it is difficult for me to believe everything about God and the Bible.  Sometimes I don't understand why God allows certain things to happen.  Even in my own life when I can justify painful situations by trusting that God knows what is best and that all things work for his glory -- that often times doesn't make the situation any less painful.  But somehow simply knowing that He sees the bigger picture (He created it) gives me joy.  It gives me hope.

Trusting and believing who He is gives me hope for eternity, and it makes me want to dance and sing and frolic in the sunset like it's heaven on earth.  I'm pretty sure the only reason I have that hope is because I believe that God is the ultimate creator, and He sees the bigger picture.  He sees the WHOLE picture.  He sees it all.  And in those situations where I don't understand a dang thing or I'm so stinkin' confused about a decision or the way a situation is playing out or everything seems to be crumbling down around me... I can stand to see the salvation of the Lord, for the battle is not mine but His.  He will fight for us if we are only still.  He holds our lives in His hands.  As believers, we have been adopted into the family and are HIS CHILDREN.  And if we are His children, than we share in His inheritance.  We share in his glory, and we share in His story.

In Christ, this is our story: While we are completely sinful beings, we are made NEW.  By believing in Jesus, we are restored into the beings we were intended to be.  The best way I can describe it is that it's magical in a sense because we can't do it on our own.  But it isn't magical at the same time because it's Jesus, and that's just who He is.  He restores.  He makes all things new.  He never gives up.  And it isn't as though believing in Jesus fixes all of your problems or that you never screw up again because life is still hard and you (or at least I) still make sooo many mistakes.  But that new life begins NOW.  So it isn't like we have to wait to be hopeful or joyful until we get to heaven because we have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us to be peaceful and joyful and hopeful and loving in ALL situations because HE IS ALL THESE THINGS ALWAYS.  As our lives are reflective of our stories, our stories thus ought to be reflective of the one who created them in the first place.  

And I'm convinced that when we BELIEVE and firmly FIX OUR HOPE on JESUS, that hope should make us want to bring hope to others... to bring love to others... to let them know that THEY ARE LOVED... that in Christ... they are NEW... not better... NEW... To walk into situations where people are hurting and bring peace and bring love and bring joy not by our own power but by the power of Christ living inside of us.

Believe this Christmas and forevermore that God is with you and for you.  He saves.  He hears.  He sees.  He heals.  He loves and forgives always and forever.  And He simply asks that we take Him at His word and believe.

"I pray that God, the source of hope will fill you completely with joy and peace because you believe in Him.  Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

"whatever is in front of me, I choose to sing hallelujah!"

glory, glory, glory

hallelujah

All my love:)

For the Life-Livers, the Story-Tellers, and Those in Need of Hope

So many things have happened since I blogged last that I scarcely know where to begin!  Summertime came a close far more quickly than I would have liked.  I became an official home renter, experienced my last sorority recruitment (note above pic), walked to class on my last first day of school (undergrad, at least), caught a few mice, read a few books, made some new besties, started a new job, and so much more.  It has been a crazy past couple of weeks, but so many reasons to PTL because I'm alive and so far -- to the best of my knowledge -- no mice have crawled in my bed while I'm asleep.  Knock on wood.  Seriously though, if you're one of my mouse prayer warriors -- keep up the good work.  God cares about every detail of our lives, and He loves all His creatures -- great and small.  My guess is that's why we haven't had too many more mice recently -- if they come in the house, their fate is set -- in mouse traps.  Sorry 'boutcha GusGus.  Maybs we'll see you in heaven one day.

If you've chatted with me recently, I've probably recommended a series of books to you, one of which was most likely A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.  I read it earlier this summer, but the underlying theme of the book is one that I believe so strongly in, I can't stop thinking about it.  Basically it is a book about stories.  As an individual who can never resist a good story, I grew fond of the premise almost immediately.  When he gets down to it, Miller suggests that the point of any great story is character transformation.  Furthermore, he believes, as do I, that we were created to live great stories.  That being said, as human lives parallel that of a character in a story, he suggests that the point of our lives is to thus... 

be transformed.  He describes it like this...

"If I get any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed.  He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end.  If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet.  And if story is derived from real life, if story is just a condensed version of life, then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another."

I've done a lot of thinking recently about the so-called purpose of our lives, what since within the first week of school, I've experienced countless conversations that look a little something like this...

"Now what year are you again?"

"Oh, I'm a senior this year."

"So you'll be graduating in May?"

"That's the plan!"

"Oh excellent.  So what are your plans for after graduation?"

(smile) "That is a great question..."

Then my face turns bright red, and I get really awkward because my flesh is liiiike, "Cait -- girl -- you gotsta make up your mind.  You're never gonna to get anywhere in life being this indecisive."  And my spirit is liiiike, "Chillaxxxx, homegirl.  You're gonna be fiiiine.  Trust me."  (Yes, it's true.  I'm sometimes convinced my "conscience" is Whoopi Goldberg as seen in Sister Act... That mixed in with a wannabe hipster and a maybs a five year-old child pretending to be Cinderella...  I'm a rare breed.)

It's fine.  I'm twenty-one years old and have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  And honestly, when I listen to the Spirit, I'm pretty okay with it.

Admittedly, there are moments when I feel the overwhelming sentiments of anxiety begin to creep into my mind.  Although I think sometimes I almost make myself feel anxious because it seems like that is how everyone else feels, so maybe I should feel that way too?  But being completely honest, I'm really not all that worried.  I am confident that wherever life takes me, the purpose of my life transcends my occupation, where I'm living, what other people think of me, etc.  In fact, those things are all pretty insignificant when I really think about the purpose/point of life.  Because at the end of the day, I'm quite confident it doesn't necessarily matter so much where I end up, so long as I'm allowing the Lord to refine me and make me holy along the way -- easier said than done, I might add.  Refining hurts.  But as far as I'm learning, God's will for our lives is much more simple than we make it out to be.  "For this is God's will for you -- your sanctification ..." -1 Thessalonians 4:3

Once again, easier said than done.  Sanctification isn't all that simple.

Although Miller refers to the process of "refining" or "sanctification" in a much simpler term -- conflict.

"Characters have to face their greatest fears with courage.  That's what makes a story good.  If you think about the stories you like most, they probably have lots of conflict.  There is probably death at stake, inner death or actual death, you know.  [...]  Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in.  We think God is unjust, rather than a master story teller."

Perhaps we can all agree that more often than not, the things that shape us in life are the conflicts we face.  I'm pretty sure conflict shapes us because it strips away our flesh.  Conflict forces us to admit that we're weak, weary individuals -- so desperately in need of a Savior.  Conflict humbles us and urges us to put situations into perspective and to look toward the Light even when our circumstances seem to reveal none.

Recently, I've found myself in a few situations/circumstances that seem void of any and all light.  In fact, the other night I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by darkness.  So I decided it was time for Jesus and me to have a little heart-to-heart.  Granted, the first 45 minutes of the heart-to-heart consisted of me pouring out my heart.  But when I finally stopped moving my mouth and letting my thoughts run a mile a minute and simply listened, I heard something extraordinary.

"I'm not going anywhere."

It's a truth many of us have heard before -- "I will never leave you or forsake you."  But in that moment, I began to realize so much more about the depth of that truth.  We serve a God who knows our every thought, hears our every word, sees our every move.  We serve a God who dries our every tear and feels our pain.  He knows when we feel hopeless and weary and exhausted.  He is a God -- the God -- who cannot help but smile every time He thinks of us because we are His precious children.

And I'm convinced that nobody loves us like our daddy does.

May we REST in the truth that He isn't going anywhere -- that even when we walk through the VALLEY of the shadow of death, He will be with us.  He wants what is best for us.  And even when we spend hours, days, weeks, months, and years in prayer ... and see no fruit or no light at the end of the tunnel, we have to believe, we have to CLING to the truth that HE IS FAITHFUL, that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

One of the difficult realities of life is that because we live in a fallen world, many days we simply won't see any light or hope in our worldly situations and circumstances.  But we were never told that circumstances would produce light.  For we claim our light -- our hope -- comes from Jesus -- He who created the world.  He who spoke everything into creation, He who has the power to do anything and everything, HE IS OUR LIGHT.  

The One who didn't have to take us back but did -- without reservation or hesitation.  And He did it because of His unfathomable, unconditional love for us -- because He loves us so much that it literally killed Him to think about spending eternity apart from us.

Sitting in that moment, I was reminded of so many things.  But most importantly that in life, we're going to see a lot of hurting people aka everyone.  We are going to hurt a lot ourselves.  The world we live in is going to be dark, and suffering is inevitable.  But it is through the hurt and pain and suffering and conflict that we are being transformed, that our hearts are being prepared -- for the next stage of our lives... for the conversations we're going to have tomorrow... for our jobs... for our marriages... for parenthood... and ultimately for heaven.

I'm a heart person -- not in the sense that I like to watch romantic comedies and hold hands, though admittedly, I do enjoy both of those things (probably more so than your average individual).  But I'm a heart person in the sense that I deeply care about people's hearts.  I want everyone to know that no matter how dark your circumstances may look, no matter how deep in the pit you are, no matter how broken or weary you feel, there is hope.  As much as I believe it and want to tell the world, I forgot it for a little while.

One of my favorite parts in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is when Miller alludes to the idea of Jesus as the bridegroom and the church as his bride.  I am obsessed with the idea that the love of a husband and wife ought to be representative of the love Christ has for the church (aka us).  "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.  He did this to present her to himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.  Instead she will be holy and without fault..." Ephesians 5:25-27  How stinkin' beautiful is that??! 

Anyway, Miller talks about how at the end of time, when the church (bride) is finally united with Jesus (bridegroom) in heaven, there is going to be a HUGE FREAKIN' WEDDING.  It's going to be the best party ever -- my guess is, it may never stop.  Because FINALLY we will be united and joined in the only union that will ever fully satisfy.  We will FINALLY be united with the source of all our light, all our hope, all our love.  We're going to be united with the CREATOR of unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, peace, joy, the list goes on and on and on.  Heck, I am so excited to get married one day, but realistically I'm going to have to wait what -- like 20 more years at the most.  (Please, Lord, let it come sooner than that... haha)  But Jesus has been waiting for this wedding for over 2,000 years.  Can you even imagine what a celebration it's going to be?!!!  I wonder what he's going to put on the playlist...

It is my prayer for all of us -- myself included -- that in the midst of conflict and suffering and refining circumstances, we would remember that our light is found in the GOSPEL.  Our light, our hope, is found in Jesus, whose promises are TRUE.  Our joy is rooted in His truth that nothing will separate us from His love.  He will be with us ALWAYS.  And ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love him.  He is the ultimate man of His word.  He is ALWAYS faithful.  And He never goes back on a promise.

"So let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is FAITHFUL." -Hebrews 10:23