For the Learners

Ah, the sweetness of summertime.  This season, unlike any other, makes me want to jump, spin, dance, play, and frolic in the meadows like the mothership is calling me home.  In addition to filling me with some serious childlike joy, summertime also has an uncanny ability to open my eyes to so many new life lessons.  Maybe it's the fact that my mind is emptied of the many things that tend to consume it so while school is in session.  Yet then again, it might just be due to the lack of wind -- thoughts, ideas, and theories seem to just rest upon my shoulders amidst hot summer heat instead of breezing by as they so often do during the spring and fall when the OKLAHOMA winds come sweeping down the plains.

Whatever it is, it seems as though no matter the season, there are always more thoughts to be thought.  But then again, such is life -- bread to be bought, fish to be caught, fights to be fought (or not), snot to be shot (that's disgusting, my apologies), and lessons to be taught.  

Below you will find the top twenty-ish things in which precious people, places, and things have been teaching me this summer -- in no particular order.  Some things I'm learning for the first time, some I'm having to re-learn, and some I'm re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-learning for the 138298349873459871230987th time.  Let's just say, it's a reaaaaally good thing God is love, and love is patient because without his patience, I'd be up a creek without a paddle.

See now, that actually looks like the liiiife.  But my guess is that whoever first coined the phrase, "Up a creek without a paddle," was referring to a much coarser creek.

Nonetheless, we've all heard Danny and Sandy sing Summer Lovin', 

but here's to 

Summer Learnin'...

1. I wouldn't mind living in an enchanted forest or secret garden one day.  Thank you, beautiful photos and green grass for always making me remember that the great outdoors are a perfect picture of  LIFE in its purest form.

2. I have yet to fully get over my fears.  Special thanks to cars, airplanes, tornadoes, world disasters, and loved ones not picking up their cell phones for reminding me of what a mess I am and that my heart has not yet been perfectly formed in love -- for where love is, fear won't tread.  More thanks to the apostle John, Dave Barnes (strange video but good version of the song), and the Holy Spirit for pointing out my sinfulness and prompting me to pray for a trusting heart daily.  Thank you, Lord, for never giving up on me.

3. Pinterest rocks.

Thank you, bestie Hales, for supplying me with an incredible source of inspiration, travel ideas, photos worth a thousand words, and crafting tips to last maybe not forever, but a really lengthy amount of time.  

Also, just want to suggest everyone read Miss Hudson's incredible work "Unlikely and Unworthy, Yet Chosen by God," which she wrote for a class this past semester, featuring the lives of Ruth, Rahab, Bathsheba, and Mary.  Such a precious reminder that while we are all icky messes, God not only loves us but chose us to be included in His forgiveness, love, and the only hope that will last into eternity.

4. Life is only as awkward as you make it.  I used to find this encouraging until I realized that I make many a situation incredibly awkward.  Thus I suppose the theory is valid just not one I have continued to tell myself or awkward others like me.  Props to Courtney Kib for pointing that one out -- you're the best.  Also special thanks to Courtypoo for putting up with my immaturity and silliness every day this summer.  No better wombmate than you, girl.

5. Jane Austen is undoubtedly the most eloquent author I've ever read.  With brilliance and wit, she possessed an uncanny ability to perfectly capture the sentiments of the human heart, and furthermore, she wrote in such a way that made even the simplest of conversations seem like the grandest of adventures and the wisest of truths become plain as day.

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment." -Pride and Prejudice

Not only would I like to express my thanks to Jane but to Mr. Darcy for A. stealing my heart and B. reminding me that while I'm going to think my husband is the greatest, manliest, godliest, funniest, coolest, outdoorsy-est, wisest fella out there, he is going to be completely, utterly HUMAN and sinful -- just like me.  That being said, I don't even know who he is, but I know he's going make me cry some days.  I'm a crier.  He might even mortify my pride on the first evening of our meeting, just as Mr. Darcy did to Elizabeth.  And I'm confident I'll make him pretty dang angry on occasion.  We're going to get in disagreements.  We're going to make lots of mistakes.  But at the end of the day...
 that is the kind of life I want.

I want to crawl in bed every night and ask for forgiveness and hear someone say, "I forgive you."  (We'll have to get in bed pretty early because that'll probably make me wanna make out and then some -- just bein' honest.)  Our lives will never be perfect.  They won't be written about in a book or created as the next-best motion picture.  But our lives -- our life together -- I pray will be a picture of the GOSPEL -- brokenness and forgiveness sealed by a kiss of unconditional love.

6.  Two things I'll never get sick of -- coffee and Bon Iver.  Muchas gracias a mi madre y mi padre para siempre keeping the coffee pot full and the state of Wisconsin for being the birthplace to such a stud.  And if you haven't heard this a cappella version of For Emma, stop everything and listen RIGHT NOW.  Holy mmmmmmm can't get enough of it.

7. Scrunchies shouldn't have ever gone out of style.  Join me.  I'm bringing 'em back.  Thank you, Kirbs, Annabelle, Annie, Autumn, and all the other scrunchie-lovers at Council Road!

8. Theories as to why things are the way they are aren't nearly as important as the truth every theory is pointing toward.  Thank you, CS Lewis and Mere Christianity.

9. Actions speak louder than words.  Thank you, Holy Spirit, for reminding me what pain my actions cause you when they fail to depict my love for you and all of the people I love so dearly.  And thank you, that even when I am a brat and hurt your feelings, your love for me is constant, unceasing, and truly impenetrable.  Nothing can separate us from it. -- Thank you, Jesus, Romans 8, Dave Barnes, Chris Quilala, Jon Foreman, and Ben (who comes home from CHINA this month--PTL!) who reminded me of 'I Will Not Take My Love Away' by Matt Wertz.  Now then, my suggestion: light a candle, listen to all of those songs, and rest in the truth of the love of the Father.

10.  Apart from shimmering starlight, sunsets are the greatest blessing to the end of the day.

Thank you, Jesus, for always knowing exactly what we need.

11. Everywhere I look 

there are places I want to go, 

things I want to see, 

coffee I want to drink, 

people I want to meet.  

The world is full of incredible beauty, 

and I want to experience all of it.  

Seriously though, let's go.  Who's with me?  One of my besties, Snattt, is in Lebanon right now!  So jealous.

12.  I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  Thank you, indecisiveness.  My sentiments for you will be left unsaid.

13. Skip -- Sorry, I'm superstitious occasionally.  Thank you, my freakishly-weird anxiety.  Love you about just as much as I love indecisiveness.

14. A little dreamin' blesses the soul with some good therapy.  Thank you, daydreaming (paired with a cup of coffee) for doing me just as much good as a week-long escape to Tahiti by route of balloons.

I'm kind of kidding.  I think the whole Tahiti/balloon combo might be a bit better than daydreaming, but for my current stage in life and lack of monetary funds, daydreaming suits me just fine.

15. Live courageously.  Thank you, Elizabeth McKenna, Juliet, Dawsey Adams, Kit, and all the characters from The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.  If you haven't read this, buy a copy immediately or ask to borrow mine -- absolutely incredible.  Now if I can just go to Guernsey one day...

16. "It's a sucky life, and just when you think it can't suck anymore does."  Thank you, Phoebe Buffay.

Part of what makes the juxtaposition of faith and the reality of the world we live in so difficult to comprehend is that we can envision what life should be like in our minds.  We can envision a world in which everyone treats one another with respect, a world in which there isn't pollution, sex-trafficking, abortion, rape, murder, addiction, etc.  We all have this engrained sense of rightness in our beings -- CS Lewis talks about this extensively in Mere Christianity, as well.  And because we all have this inherent sense of the way things ought to be, we also instinctively know that the world isn't as it should be.

That is the reality though -- the reality we face on a daily basis.  I talk all the time about the fact that everyone is experiencing or has experienced pain of some kind.  And maybe for some people, they've experienced literal, unbearable, physical pain.  But for the majority of us, I'm referring to an emotional pain that can be so lethal, it can cause us to lose feeling completely.

It doesn't make sense.  So much about life won't -- EVER, until we're in heaven, that is.  There may be certain prayers we pray that we never see come into fruition.  There may be hearts that we so long to see healed that never come to understand the unconditional love and forgiveness found in Jesus.

May we never forget that no matter where we go, He is with us.  Lest not forget this most important truth, hold it close to our hearts, and not lose sight of the magnitude of its validity... Wherever we go, whether in sun or shade, whether we're joyful or broken, weary, tired, sick, hopeless, overwhelmed, anxious, fearful, doubtful, or uneasy...  Whether we're weeping or filled with laughter, in India or England or Sweden or Zambia or Israel, wether we're alone or surrounded by ten-thousand people, HE WILL BE WITH US.  WE cannot escape His presence.

"You cannot escape my love.

For I created you, my child.

I know every detail about your life --

your favorite things,

your most hidden sin,

your fears,

your desires.

I know them all.

I know when you sit and when you stand.

Perhaps, my child, ee cummings said it best,

that wherever you go,

i carry your heart.

i carry it in my heart."

17. Few things can make my heart fly all-a-flutter like fireworks and sparklers.

Thank you, America, for adopting such a fabulous celebratory holiday like July 4th.  Thank you, Founding Fathers, for believing in the necessity of liberty, freedom, and justice for all.  Thank you to the newly married couple, Russell and Nicole Brown, for having sparklers at your beautiful wedding and glorifying the source of all our light.

18. As much as I love crafting, I'm pretty bad at it.  Thank you, dresser drawers and spray paint for teaching me not to take off the little white contraption from which the paint sprays out of.  My paint-stained fingers are especially appreciative.

19. "If you don't want your babies, give them to me."  Thank you, Mother Teresa, for showing us what it truest human example of love looks like.

20.  "Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path.  And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.  Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.  If you think that you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself.  You are not that important. [...]  So do not grow weary in doing good for at the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up or quit."  -Galatians 6:1-3, 9

Thank you burdens that even though you are heavy, we do not have to bear them alone!

That's all for now.  More to come.  All my love!

For the Hopeless

Christmas represents many things to many people.  

For me, at my current stage in life, 

the Christmas story is a clear picture of

  HOPE.  

Hope for today.
Hope for tomorrow.
Hope for eternity.

Why is it a message of hope?

Let's start with Mary, who depicted herself as a "lowly servant girl" in Luke chapter 1.  She considered herself a lowly servant girl, and yet the Lord chose to use her.  He had favor on her, for she was blameless in His sight.

I know what you're thinking.  Mary was a virgin and probably the "sweetest, most beautiful, most precious girl in school" back in Bethlehem.  Everybody probably loved her.  She would have been that girl in college you loved and hated simultaneously because she seemed so perfect and always had everything together.  No wonder God chose to use her.  She's June Cleaver for goodness sakes.

Or maybe she was more like Mary Poppins -- practically perfect in every way.  Precious line, but really Walt?  Just kidding, I'm sure Walt didn't write the script.  (Even though he could have, seeing as he died in 1966, and Mary Poppins was first released in 1964.)  But really, what woman wants to be compared to that?  But at least with Mary Poppins, she flies by means of an umbrella she obviously didn't purchase at Target.  That adds even just a hint of fantasy-level to the whole ordeal.

Now let's pause one second here.  It doesn't matter how Mary was regarded by others -- aka it didn't matter what others thought of her or what she thought of herself.  The Lord loved her, despite the fact that she considered herself unworthy.  Here's the reality.  We're all unworthy.

As Christians, we believe that when we accept Jesus into our hearts, our transgressions are completely wiped away.  We are FORGIVEN.  The Bible doesn't say we're only forgiven of certain things.  We are forgiven of EVERYTHING.  Let me not fail to mention, no one is excluded from the Message of hope that comes with the birth of Jesus.  In fact, it is quite clear that everyone is included.  See 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 and Colossians 3:9.  It doesn't matter what you've done.  I can't say it loud enough: It is through Christ that WE ARE MADE WORTHY.

It doesn't matter what you've done, where you've been, who you've slept with, what you've ate or drank or said.  It doesn't matter who you've hurt or who has hurt you or the pain you've endured or the pain you've caused.  It doesn't matter how hardened your heart might be.  It doesn't matter if you're wealthy or poor or Egyptian or American or Sudanese or Russian or Nicaraguan.  It doesn't matter what you look like or who you've dated.  It doesn't matter how many boys you've kissed.  It doesn't matter if you think you are a failure and your life is meaningless.  It doesn't matter if you feel like you have no hope.

Hear this.

YOU ARE INCLUDED IN THE MESSAGE OF CHRIST.

And in the Message of Christ, we're included in everything -- redemption, salvation, life abundantly on earth and in heaven, forgiveness of sin, mercy, grace, unconditional love every day of our lives and into eternity.  Perhaps the good, not-so-old, and really not-so-wholesome film Love Actually portrayed this message quite adequately, even though I realize it wasn't suggesting the Lord in any way, shape or form.

Don't you see?  To the Lord, you are PERFECT.

You think you can't be forgiven?

Ask God to forgive you.

Believe in the truth that NOTHING separates us from Christ.  I've mentioned this verse many times before but let me repeat these words of truth, because they are so powerful.

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love?  Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below -- indeed, nothing in all creation will every be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35-39 (New Living Translation)

Do you hear what God is saying?

My darling daughter, I don't care what you've done.  You are mine.  I created you.  I knit you together in your mother's womb, because you are my princess.  You are my daughter, my most prized possession.  I will fight for you, if you'll only hold still (Exodus 14:14).  Let me rescue you.  Let me forgive you.  Remember I forgive you the moment you ask, and yet, you continue to beat yourself up about these things for years and years.  You know, honey, I know you're going to make mistakes.  I know that.  But remember, "Who knows if you were made queen for just such a time as this?" (See Esther 14:14) And I'm asking you, on this Christmas Eve to remember the story of my Son.

Unto us a child was born, in a manger, in a stable in the small town of Bethlehem on a starry, starry night.  He entered the world in a less than regal state, and yet He was to be a King.  He lived and taught among the prostitutes, the broken-hearted, the lepers, the unwanted, because He wanted them.  He loved them, for they were his Father's children.  And because of this great love, He eventually suffered a brutal death upon a cross, so that ALL of our sins would forever be forgiven, if only we would ask forgiveness.

Obviously the photo above is not of baby Jesus, but it is of a baby -- my favorite off of the top results for newborn babies on Google Images, in fact.  I'm ridiculous, I know.  I admit it.  (#andiaintashamed for you Twitter users out there.)  Upon looking at this picture, I could not help but be filled with hope.  I am so hopeful for the incredible life that lies before that precious child.  That is the hope that comes with following Jesus, for He came to bring us new life -- life free from sin.  (See Romans 8.)  He knows we are unable to conquer sin alone, but with Him, all things are possible.

I don't care how deeply entrenched in sin you are this Christmas, you are included in this message of hope.  The Lord claims this about His daughters...

 "You are all fair, my love; there is no flaw in you." -Song of Songs 4:7

I wish I could literally jump out of the computer screen and hold the hands of every hurting woman out there, and tell you face-to-face, "There is HOPE."

Just kidding.  This hope isn't going to be found in a jar -- even though I hear the Hope-in-a-Jar moisturizer from Sephora is quite excellent.  It isn't going to be found in losing weight; however, that doesn't dismiss the fact that we must be good stewards of the bodies we've been given and keep them in healthy.  This hope isn't going to be found in a man or a friend or a puppy or money or your job or the possibilities of your 'next big break.'

This HOPE, the eternal joy you're looking for, is found in the story we hear so many times this season -- the story of a baby boy named Jesus, the son of God.  He lived a perfect life and died, because He loved us.  He loves you.  He has and will.  Always and forever.

"There is more than enough room in my Father's home.  If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?" -John 14:2 (New Living Translation)

Merry Christmas! All my love!

For the Mountain Climbers

Occasionally in life, we find ourselves at the base of a mountain.  Perhaps you've been walking towards it for a couple of weeks, months, or maybe even years.  The mountains of our lives come in many shapes and sizes.  Some are little.  These usually only take a couple of days to summit.  Obviously everyone possesses his or her own; however, these small hills may look something like failing a test, spilling coffee, breaking your mom's favorite china cup, etc.

We also have our medium-sized peaks -- big decisions, speaking an uncomfortable but necessary truth into someone's life, etc.

But unfortunately, at some point in our lives, almost all of us (I would venture to say) will have a gargantuan mountain to climb -- divorce, addiction, death, affairs, eating disorders, losing a job, bankruptcy, self-hate, etc.  These things are serious issues, and I will be the first to admit, powering through things like this will usually take a bit more than a single day's efforts.  It may take a month or a year or multiple years, depending upon the damage that has been done to one's heart.

Often times, we look at the mountains before us and almost collapse, because of our inability to even take the first step.  We are so overwhelmed by the mountain's height and width and the conditions we will have to endure on the way up that we deem the attempt useless.

So we keep sitting, standing, running, sometimes even basking in our pain, because we think we'd never even make it up.  And what's worse, it might even be more painful along the way.  Some people assume they wouldn't even make it past the first five steps.  Let's take Lilly, for example.  (Please note: Lilly is not based upon the lives of any individual I know but is undoubtedly a reflection of what countless women are up against in this thing called life.)

Lilly lived a seemingly ordinary life.  She was married, happy, somewhat content with life until her husband had an affair.  Understandably so, Lilly found herself devastated, wondering who she was, feeling as though she was worthless, hopeless.  She loathed him.  She loathed herself.  "What was it?  What could I have possibly done to drive him away?  What is wrong with me?"  These questions loomed over her head and ultimately found rest on her shoulders, where they sat like anvils, weighing down her entire body.

She became discontent, despondent, and depressed.  Pretty soon, her performance at work dropped dramatically, and she was let go.  She found herself spending her days sitting on the couch in her home, alone.  She wanted so badly for the pain to go away.  So she fixed it the only way she knew how -- alcohol.  Months went by, and Lilly found herself feeling as though she couldn't live without it.  As soon as she woke up for the day, she'd pour herself a glass of vodka and refill it all day long.

Of course, there were days she had to venture out of the house.  And when she did, she would make herself look perfect -- flawless -- in attempt to mask the pain that was literally killing her.  So when people asked her how she was doing she would respond with a smile, "Fine, you know?  You would think I might be a bit hard of heart, but I'm great!  Just great."  But inside, her heart was shattered into a million pieces.  Her soul was so battered and bruised that she had become numb to the pain.

Lilly stands at the bottom of this mountain.  She has a choice, and the choice is hers alone.  To climb or not to climb?  I suppose there are pros and cons to each.  If she climbs, it may be a long time before she makes it to the top.  On the way up, she will undoubtedly cry -- sob, more likely.  It will hurt, and it will be very hard.  Because the catch is, if she starts the summit, her baggage will be stripped of her.  That's just the truth.  She will be physically unable to climb with ten tons of weight resting upon her shoulders.  She will have to throw it off.

Now, one might think the decision to throw away the baggage, the pain would be simple.  But it's not that easy.  You see, when we experience pain, we often forget a great deal about ourselves, because we're so caught up in the emotions we're feeling -- or lack thereof.  Lilly's husband cheated on her, and she became consumed by the thoughts of everything she was not -- forgetting everything she was.  She had claimed herself to be unattractive, ungodly, unintelligent.  She fell captive to the lies of this world, and they deceived her into believing herself to be someone she was not.  

The other specific obstacle keeping Lilly from making the climb was something inherent to all of us -- the fear of falling.  I've heard we are born with two fears and two fears alone: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling.  Now, I would venture to say the fear of falling we're born with refers predominantly to falling off a cliff or out of your mother's arms.  But in reality, the fear of falling may be representative of far more than just that.  Lilly was afraid to climb, because she was afraid to fall.  

"What if I make the effort, make it almost all the way to the top, only to fall back to the bottom again?"  

I wish I could make each and every one of you the promise that if you attempt the summit, you would make it up in seconds, without a scratch.  But that isn't reality.  You may climb for weeks and months, and just as you reach the top, you'll want to give up and go back down.  You may want to go back down an hour after you start climbing.  

But I want you to envision yourself standing at the top of your mountain.  From that point, you can see for miles and miles.  You look behind you and see your past, and for some reason, from that height, everything that has happened to you seems to make a little bit more sense.  At first you may want to cringe at some of the things you had to walk through and some of the things you put yourself through, but then suddenly you turn around.  

You eyes fill with tears, because on the other side of the mountain lie the most beautiful sights you've ever seen.  You can't help but think, "Yes, climbing up here was the most difficult thing I've ever done, but it was so worth it."  

Life is never promised to be easy.  We're actually told it will be very difficult, but we are promised that everything has a purpose and everything works for our good.  I want to challenge you to make the first step and start to climb the Everest of your life.  But I want you to hear this -- do not attempt to make this climb on your own.  I've done very minimal climbing in my life, but I have ALWAYS gone with other people.  It makes all the difference.  

Know that you are not alone.  Do not believe the lies that something is wrong with you, because you are going to have to climb an Everest-sized mountain.  There is nothing wrong with you.  We are all human; we all have struggles.  We all have mountains to climb.  Know it will be difficult, but know we serve a God whose power is greater than anything on this earth.  He loves you and will FIGHT for you, however many times it takes, because YOU are His precious daughter.  You are unlike any other being ever created.  Your beauty is astounding, and you mean the WORLD to Him.  You cannot do anything to escape His presence.  He is ENTHRALLED by your beauty.  Nothing will ever separate you from his love -- NOTHING.  And He will be with you wherever you go, guarding and protecting you.  We are MORE than conquerers in Christ Jesus -- know this, believe it, and live life TRUSTING in this truth.  It was for FREEDOM he set us free.  

More to come.  All my love! 

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.  He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.  He renews my strength.  He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.  Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.  Your rod and staff protect and comfort me.  You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.  You honor me by anointing my head with oil.  My cup overflows with blessings.  Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." -Psalm 23