For the People Like Me

happy tuesday, homies:)  I hope you're reading this having had an enjoyable week thus far -- maybe you're still snuggled up in your jammerz (jealous) or chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool ... shooting some bball outside of the school.  If yall are like me, a week ago today marked the beginning of the last semester of my college experience.  Not gonna lie -- I hate it.  I pretty much freakin' love college.  The University of Oklahoma has been pretty dang good to me.  Praise be to God!  It has been a crazy past three and a half years, but every second of it has taught me SO much.  

I'll stop there, but I can imagine you saw where that was headed -- walk down Memory Lane...  So I've been a bit sentimental/nostalgic lately...  I can't deny it.  Maybe you know how it goes...  I suppose it tends to be this way at every major "junction" in life.  You're finally taking some deep breaths and getting settled in when you realize your current road is coming to an end and you have to pick a new one.  It can be a little overwhelming, but as I said, such is life.  Good thing we're in it together.  Nonetheless, over Christmas Break, I was so lucky to venture to our nation's capitol with a few of my amigas to explore my future home for the next two years come June!  

It was so fun and exciting but also a little bit scary.  The east coast is just a little different, and let's be real, I am just an Oklahomie through and through.  I LOVE this state.  I love my family.  I love Johnnie's and the North and South Oval and walking around Lake Hefner with my mommy in the summertime, baking with my sissy in the winter, and playing tennis with my daddio in the spring.  I love having a church and a CVS on every street corner.  I love wide open spaces -- room to make your big mistakes, eh?  I love seeing the people who are so near and dear to my heart on a daily basis and sharing life with the best community on planet earth.  Oklahoma ROCKS.

All that being said, the Lord taught me some seriously life-changing things while I was in DC over the course of a mere four-ish days.  It's funny how you can just be walking along some big city street with tons of people around when the Holy Spirit snaps you back to reality -- ooh there goes gravity -- and everything seems to suddenly shift back into perspective.  

Here's how it all went down.  So as I said, I'm walking along Pennsylvania Avenue with Claire and LJ when I began thinking to myself, "Man, I wish DC was bigger," and "I wish I was going to be making more money and I could live in a nicer part of town," and "This is going to be so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  I'm not going to have any friends. Dangit, I'm never going to be successful."

Yep, it's true.  It's laaaame.  It's disgusting.  But it's real.  I really thought those things.  Instead of rejoicing over where the Lord placed me and all the ways He was affirming me in how I am supposed to be there, I started thinking, "Nope, this just really isn't what I expected.  This isn't really good enough for me."

But about that time, the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks.  Even recalling it this very second, I have chills all over my body.

"Cait," the quiet voice whispered,  "Thaaatt isn't what life is about at all."

>>Lemme just say, God is soooooooo gentle with us.  Sometimes I deserve a serious shake and firm stare-down directly from the heavens above, but He comes beside me gently and lovingly reminds me of the truth.<<

In that moment as the Holy Spirit and I were having a serious heart-to-heart, I realized that it seems so glamorous to move to some big city and work for a cool, hip corporation or organization joined with a social movement.  And know I'm not in any way trying to diminish the need or necessity for such organizations because they are so awesome and doing INCREDIBLE things for the people of our nation and world alike.  But when I'm honest with myself, I know some of my motives for wanting to be a part of Teach for America and move to Washington, DC were selfish, in that it's a big city and cool, and as I said, seems somewhat glamorous, I suppose.  But here's the reality...  

It's something we all know, something we've heard thousands of times, I'm sure, but until you really wrestle with it, until you really REALIZE how much your sinful nature desires the things of this world... whoaaa baby.

It doesn't matter where you live.  It doesn't matter what you're doing or how many friends you have or what kind of car you drive.  It doesn't matter how much money is in your bank account or what shoes you have on your feet.  Heck, when it comes down to it, it doesn't really particularly matter all that much in the long run whether you wear shoes or not at all.  It doesn't matter how many nick-knacks you have lying on your shelves or how many miles you can run or how many beers you can down or how many countries you've been to or how many people you've shared Jesus with.  It doesn't matter what you look like or who likes you or  whether your married or single or listed as "in a relationship" on the good, ole' FB.

Unless you seek to satisfied by Jesus Christ alone... 

You'll always be left wanting more.

It's a truth that literally almost brings me to tears.  And in this battle between our flesh and the Spirit inside of us, we are often times our own worst enemies.  Gosh, I don't know what it is for you.  I don't know if it's money or how much you weigh or your level of academic achievement or success or awards or sex or people or accomplishments... The things of this world are so fleeting and so unsatisfactory that none of them will ever fully satisfy us.  Maybe they will for a little while.  But not forever. 

So I guess life's rough and sometimes sucks and you'll never be fully satisfied, so what's the point?

the end 

see ya never

have a good night?

no stinkin' way

and PTL for that!

That's not the end of the story... And truly PRAISE the LORD it's not because that would be mayyyybeeee the ickiest story ever.  But that isn't the story we've been invited to share in -- that's not why we were created or how we were created or what we were created for.  Deep breaths, everyone.  Think soothing thoughts.

whew.

I don't know where you are in your life.  I can't say where your heart is or what you're struggling with.  And honestly, some of you might not even know yourselves.  Sometimes we don't really fully understand the things we're going through or how they're affecting us emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  But I want you to ask yourself these questions...

Did you ever think that attaining a certain goal would make you happier?

Have you ever thought that once you get married, life will be good to go?

You won't desire anything anymore?

Or if you could just make X amount of money, life would be so much easier?

Or if you only had more friends, that's when life would really be great...

Or maybe if you could just overcome these obstacles... 

Gosh, if you only looked like her... 

Or if you could just forget about the pain of my past... 

If you could only move on...

THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! 

happily ever after would come to life.

Life would be full of peonies, puppies, and pretty/little hearts.

Okay, so I assume most of us know that isn't the reality...

But at one point or another, I have said yes to many of these questions and soooo many more.  And to some extent these things are good.  It is so great to set goals and dream big dreams and want to move on from hurts and pains of the past.  It's okay to collect nick-knacks and get married and make money!  But when those things become what our eyes our fixed upon, the things we hope for and desire, they won't ever make the cut.  In fact, I'm convinced, the more we get, the more we'll want.  It's an ongoing, unending cycle and honestly can be pretty tough to get out of sometimes.

But COOLEST PART...  We were created with desires.  We were CREATED TO DESIRE.  We were created to seek comfort and joy and satisfaction and hope and love and peace.  We were CREATED to desire those things.  In fact, we were created to NEED these things.  We can't fully function in the way we were designed to function without them.  But contrary to popular belief, no amount of yoga will ever fulfill my need for peace.  I can't wait to be married and have a family one day, but my husband and children will never completely satisfy my need for love and affection and joy and comfort.  I won't be able to fully satisfy them either -- and PTL for that -- what a freeing truth and reason #59283410983 why Jesus MUST be the center of all relationships.

We were created to need and desire these things because there is something that can fulfill them.

It's Jesus.

JESUS!!!!

Jesus knows everything.  He knows our hurts.  He knows our failures.  He knows what we look to and go to, hoping that we find satisfaction or fulfillment.  He KNOWS.  And He offers us living water anyway.  He knows that nothing we look to will satisfy us, but He knows HE CAN and HE WILL.  That doesn't mean that there won't be times you still sin or fail or desire the things of this world -- we're human.  But with Jesus, we can walk into situations of unrest and have peace.  We can live in a world void of love and be loved by our heavenly Father -- our AbbaDaddy, as I like to call Him.  In a world where we cannot produce joy or hope on our own, JESUS produces a joy within us and gives us hope that none can surpass.  

Wherever you are, whatever you're going through, whatever you've been through, there is HOPE in finding fulfillment.  THERE IS HOPE in a broken and decaying world.  THERE IS LOVE and GRACE and MERCY and JOY and PEACE and KINDNESS.  There is LIGHT in the darkness.  But the only light, love, joy, peace, and hope that will last forever...  is Jesus.  

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.  If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud.  Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing." -CS Lewis

Glory, glory, glory to God in the highest for accepting us no matter what, for loving us no matter what, for calling us His children and never giving up on us.  Glory to God for allowing us to feel desire that we might also experience that desire being fulfilled.

We love you, Lord, and may we look to you for fulfillment and satisfaction, believing you alone will satisfy.

For the Life-Livers, the Story-Tellers, and Those in Need of Hope

So many things have happened since I blogged last that I scarcely know where to begin!  Summertime came a close far more quickly than I would have liked.  I became an official home renter, experienced my last sorority recruitment (note above pic), walked to class on my last first day of school (undergrad, at least), caught a few mice, read a few books, made some new besties, started a new job, and so much more.  It has been a crazy past couple of weeks, but so many reasons to PTL because I'm alive and so far -- to the best of my knowledge -- no mice have crawled in my bed while I'm asleep.  Knock on wood.  Seriously though, if you're one of my mouse prayer warriors -- keep up the good work.  God cares about every detail of our lives, and He loves all His creatures -- great and small.  My guess is that's why we haven't had too many more mice recently -- if they come in the house, their fate is set -- in mouse traps.  Sorry 'boutcha GusGus.  Maybs we'll see you in heaven one day.

If you've chatted with me recently, I've probably recommended a series of books to you, one of which was most likely A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.  I read it earlier this summer, but the underlying theme of the book is one that I believe so strongly in, I can't stop thinking about it.  Basically it is a book about stories.  As an individual who can never resist a good story, I grew fond of the premise almost immediately.  When he gets down to it, Miller suggests that the point of any great story is character transformation.  Furthermore, he believes, as do I, that we were created to live great stories.  That being said, as human lives parallel that of a character in a story, he suggests that the point of our lives is to thus... 

be transformed.  He describes it like this...

"If I get any comfort as I set out on my first story, it was that in nearly every story, the protagonist is transformed.  He's a jerk at the beginning and nice at the end, or a coward at the beginning and brave at the end.  If the character doesn't change, the story hasn't happened yet.  And if story is derived from real life, if story is just a condensed version of life, then life itself may be designed to change us so that we evolve from one kind of person to another."

I've done a lot of thinking recently about the so-called purpose of our lives, what since within the first week of school, I've experienced countless conversations that look a little something like this...

"Now what year are you again?"

"Oh, I'm a senior this year."

"So you'll be graduating in May?"

"That's the plan!"

"Oh excellent.  So what are your plans for after graduation?"

(smile) "That is a great question..."

Then my face turns bright red, and I get really awkward because my flesh is liiiike, "Cait -- girl -- you gotsta make up your mind.  You're never gonna to get anywhere in life being this indecisive."  And my spirit is liiiike, "Chillaxxxx, homegirl.  You're gonna be fiiiine.  Trust me."  (Yes, it's true.  I'm sometimes convinced my "conscience" is Whoopi Goldberg as seen in Sister Act... That mixed in with a wannabe hipster and a maybs a five year-old child pretending to be Cinderella...  I'm a rare breed.)

It's fine.  I'm twenty-one years old and have no idea what I'm doing with my life.  And honestly, when I listen to the Spirit, I'm pretty okay with it.

Admittedly, there are moments when I feel the overwhelming sentiments of anxiety begin to creep into my mind.  Although I think sometimes I almost make myself feel anxious because it seems like that is how everyone else feels, so maybe I should feel that way too?  But being completely honest, I'm really not all that worried.  I am confident that wherever life takes me, the purpose of my life transcends my occupation, where I'm living, what other people think of me, etc.  In fact, those things are all pretty insignificant when I really think about the purpose/point of life.  Because at the end of the day, I'm quite confident it doesn't necessarily matter so much where I end up, so long as I'm allowing the Lord to refine me and make me holy along the way -- easier said than done, I might add.  Refining hurts.  But as far as I'm learning, God's will for our lives is much more simple than we make it out to be.  "For this is God's will for you -- your sanctification ..." -1 Thessalonians 4:3

Once again, easier said than done.  Sanctification isn't all that simple.

Although Miller refers to the process of "refining" or "sanctification" in a much simpler term -- conflict.

"Characters have to face their greatest fears with courage.  That's what makes a story good.  If you think about the stories you like most, they probably have lots of conflict.  There is probably death at stake, inner death or actual death, you know.  [...]  Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in.  We think God is unjust, rather than a master story teller."

Perhaps we can all agree that more often than not, the things that shape us in life are the conflicts we face.  I'm pretty sure conflict shapes us because it strips away our flesh.  Conflict forces us to admit that we're weak, weary individuals -- so desperately in need of a Savior.  Conflict humbles us and urges us to put situations into perspective and to look toward the Light even when our circumstances seem to reveal none.

Recently, I've found myself in a few situations/circumstances that seem void of any and all light.  In fact, the other night I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by darkness.  So I decided it was time for Jesus and me to have a little heart-to-heart.  Granted, the first 45 minutes of the heart-to-heart consisted of me pouring out my heart.  But when I finally stopped moving my mouth and letting my thoughts run a mile a minute and simply listened, I heard something extraordinary.

"I'm not going anywhere."

It's a truth many of us have heard before -- "I will never leave you or forsake you."  But in that moment, I began to realize so much more about the depth of that truth.  We serve a God who knows our every thought, hears our every word, sees our every move.  We serve a God who dries our every tear and feels our pain.  He knows when we feel hopeless and weary and exhausted.  He is a God -- the God -- who cannot help but smile every time He thinks of us because we are His precious children.

And I'm convinced that nobody loves us like our daddy does.

May we REST in the truth that He isn't going anywhere -- that even when we walk through the VALLEY of the shadow of death, He will be with us.  He wants what is best for us.  And even when we spend hours, days, weeks, months, and years in prayer ... and see no fruit or no light at the end of the tunnel, we have to believe, we have to CLING to the truth that HE IS FAITHFUL, that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

One of the difficult realities of life is that because we live in a fallen world, many days we simply won't see any light or hope in our worldly situations and circumstances.  But we were never told that circumstances would produce light.  For we claim our light -- our hope -- comes from Jesus -- He who created the world.  He who spoke everything into creation, He who has the power to do anything and everything, HE IS OUR LIGHT.  

The One who didn't have to take us back but did -- without reservation or hesitation.  And He did it because of His unfathomable, unconditional love for us -- because He loves us so much that it literally killed Him to think about spending eternity apart from us.

Sitting in that moment, I was reminded of so many things.  But most importantly that in life, we're going to see a lot of hurting people aka everyone.  We are going to hurt a lot ourselves.  The world we live in is going to be dark, and suffering is inevitable.  But it is through the hurt and pain and suffering and conflict that we are being transformed, that our hearts are being prepared -- for the next stage of our lives... for the conversations we're going to have tomorrow... for our jobs... for our marriages... for parenthood... and ultimately for heaven.

I'm a heart person -- not in the sense that I like to watch romantic comedies and hold hands, though admittedly, I do enjoy both of those things (probably more so than your average individual).  But I'm a heart person in the sense that I deeply care about people's hearts.  I want everyone to know that no matter how dark your circumstances may look, no matter how deep in the pit you are, no matter how broken or weary you feel, there is hope.  As much as I believe it and want to tell the world, I forgot it for a little while.

One of my favorite parts in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is when Miller alludes to the idea of Jesus as the bridegroom and the church as his bride.  I am obsessed with the idea that the love of a husband and wife ought to be representative of the love Christ has for the church (aka us).  "For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.  He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.  He did this to present her to himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.  Instead she will be holy and without fault..." Ephesians 5:25-27  How stinkin' beautiful is that??! 

Anyway, Miller talks about how at the end of time, when the church (bride) is finally united with Jesus (bridegroom) in heaven, there is going to be a HUGE FREAKIN' WEDDING.  It's going to be the best party ever -- my guess is, it may never stop.  Because FINALLY we will be united and joined in the only union that will ever fully satisfy.  We will FINALLY be united with the source of all our light, all our hope, all our love.  We're going to be united with the CREATOR of unconditional love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, peace, joy, the list goes on and on and on.  Heck, I am so excited to get married one day, but realistically I'm going to have to wait what -- like 20 more years at the most.  (Please, Lord, let it come sooner than that... haha)  But Jesus has been waiting for this wedding for over 2,000 years.  Can you even imagine what a celebration it's going to be?!!!  I wonder what he's going to put on the playlist...

It is my prayer for all of us -- myself included -- that in the midst of conflict and suffering and refining circumstances, we would remember that our light is found in the GOSPEL.  Our light, our hope, is found in Jesus, whose promises are TRUE.  Our joy is rooted in His truth that nothing will separate us from His love.  He will be with us ALWAYS.  And ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love him.  He is the ultimate man of His word.  He is ALWAYS faithful.  And He never goes back on a promise.

"So let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is FAITHFUL." -Hebrews 10:23

For the Hopeless

Christmas represents many things to many people.  

For me, at my current stage in life, 

the Christmas story is a clear picture of

  HOPE.  

Hope for today.
Hope for tomorrow.
Hope for eternity.

Why is it a message of hope?

Let's start with Mary, who depicted herself as a "lowly servant girl" in Luke chapter 1.  She considered herself a lowly servant girl, and yet the Lord chose to use her.  He had favor on her, for she was blameless in His sight.

I know what you're thinking.  Mary was a virgin and probably the "sweetest, most beautiful, most precious girl in school" back in Bethlehem.  Everybody probably loved her.  She would have been that girl in college you loved and hated simultaneously because she seemed so perfect and always had everything together.  No wonder God chose to use her.  She's June Cleaver for goodness sakes.

Or maybe she was more like Mary Poppins -- practically perfect in every way.  Precious line, but really Walt?  Just kidding, I'm sure Walt didn't write the script.  (Even though he could have, seeing as he died in 1966, and Mary Poppins was first released in 1964.)  But really, what woman wants to be compared to that?  But at least with Mary Poppins, she flies by means of an umbrella she obviously didn't purchase at Target.  That adds even just a hint of fantasy-level to the whole ordeal.

Now let's pause one second here.  It doesn't matter how Mary was regarded by others -- aka it didn't matter what others thought of her or what she thought of herself.  The Lord loved her, despite the fact that she considered herself unworthy.  Here's the reality.  We're all unworthy.

As Christians, we believe that when we accept Jesus into our hearts, our transgressions are completely wiped away.  We are FORGIVEN.  The Bible doesn't say we're only forgiven of certain things.  We are forgiven of EVERYTHING.  Let me not fail to mention, no one is excluded from the Message of hope that comes with the birth of Jesus.  In fact, it is quite clear that everyone is included.  See 2 Corinthians 5:14-15 and Colossians 3:9.  It doesn't matter what you've done.  I can't say it loud enough: It is through Christ that WE ARE MADE WORTHY.

It doesn't matter what you've done, where you've been, who you've slept with, what you've ate or drank or said.  It doesn't matter who you've hurt or who has hurt you or the pain you've endured or the pain you've caused.  It doesn't matter how hardened your heart might be.  It doesn't matter if you're wealthy or poor or Egyptian or American or Sudanese or Russian or Nicaraguan.  It doesn't matter what you look like or who you've dated.  It doesn't matter how many boys you've kissed.  It doesn't matter if you think you are a failure and your life is meaningless.  It doesn't matter if you feel like you have no hope.

Hear this.

YOU ARE INCLUDED IN THE MESSAGE OF CHRIST.

And in the Message of Christ, we're included in everything -- redemption, salvation, life abundantly on earth and in heaven, forgiveness of sin, mercy, grace, unconditional love every day of our lives and into eternity.  Perhaps the good, not-so-old, and really not-so-wholesome film Love Actually portrayed this message quite adequately, even though I realize it wasn't suggesting the Lord in any way, shape or form.

Don't you see?  To the Lord, you are PERFECT.

You think you can't be forgiven?

Ask God to forgive you.

Believe in the truth that NOTHING separates us from Christ.  I've mentioned this verse many times before but let me repeat these words of truth, because they are so powerful.

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love?  Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow -- not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.  No power in the sky above or in the earth below -- indeed, nothing in all creation will every be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:35-39 (New Living Translation)

Do you hear what God is saying?

My darling daughter, I don't care what you've done.  You are mine.  I created you.  I knit you together in your mother's womb, because you are my princess.  You are my daughter, my most prized possession.  I will fight for you, if you'll only hold still (Exodus 14:14).  Let me rescue you.  Let me forgive you.  Remember I forgive you the moment you ask, and yet, you continue to beat yourself up about these things for years and years.  You know, honey, I know you're going to make mistakes.  I know that.  But remember, "Who knows if you were made queen for just such a time as this?" (See Esther 14:14) And I'm asking you, on this Christmas Eve to remember the story of my Son.

Unto us a child was born, in a manger, in a stable in the small town of Bethlehem on a starry, starry night.  He entered the world in a less than regal state, and yet He was to be a King.  He lived and taught among the prostitutes, the broken-hearted, the lepers, the unwanted, because He wanted them.  He loved them, for they were his Father's children.  And because of this great love, He eventually suffered a brutal death upon a cross, so that ALL of our sins would forever be forgiven, if only we would ask forgiveness.

Obviously the photo above is not of baby Jesus, but it is of a baby -- my favorite off of the top results for newborn babies on Google Images, in fact.  I'm ridiculous, I know.  I admit it.  (#andiaintashamed for you Twitter users out there.)  Upon looking at this picture, I could not help but be filled with hope.  I am so hopeful for the incredible life that lies before that precious child.  That is the hope that comes with following Jesus, for He came to bring us new life -- life free from sin.  (See Romans 8.)  He knows we are unable to conquer sin alone, but with Him, all things are possible.

I don't care how deeply entrenched in sin you are this Christmas, you are included in this message of hope.  The Lord claims this about His daughters...

 "You are all fair, my love; there is no flaw in you." -Song of Songs 4:7

I wish I could literally jump out of the computer screen and hold the hands of every hurting woman out there, and tell you face-to-face, "There is HOPE."

Just kidding.  This hope isn't going to be found in a jar -- even though I hear the Hope-in-a-Jar moisturizer from Sephora is quite excellent.  It isn't going to be found in losing weight; however, that doesn't dismiss the fact that we must be good stewards of the bodies we've been given and keep them in healthy.  This hope isn't going to be found in a man or a friend or a puppy or money or your job or the possibilities of your 'next big break.'

This HOPE, the eternal joy you're looking for, is found in the story we hear so many times this season -- the story of a baby boy named Jesus, the son of God.  He lived a perfect life and died, because He loved us.  He loves you.  He has and will.  Always and forever.

"There is more than enough room in my Father's home.  If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?" -John 14:2 (New Living Translation)

Merry Christmas! All my love!