For the Giddy and the Heavy-Hearted Alike

merry, merry Christmas, ya'll!  The time has come.  The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon will be here!  The packages have been wrapped with shiny bows and red ribbons and any crawling out of bed is now strictly forbidden.  But in a mere couple of hours, just after dawn breaks, we'll hear echoes around the world of, "Wake, wake!  Wake, Wake!"  Kids of all ages will joyfully gather near twinkling trees, as Mommy and Daddy stagger into the kitchen, "First, just one sip of coffee...!"

 I've always been partial to Christmas, as I'm sure many of us are.  There is something magical about it all -- the sparkly lights, joyous music, crackling fires, families and friends coming together, and the exchanging of gifts all in celebration of the birth of our Savior King Jesus.  Yet I've noticed my heart has been somewhat heavy the past few days.  How?  How in the world?  It's CHRISTMAS, for crying out loud!  I love Christmas.  Christmas is my favorite.  It's the most wonderful time of the year!

  So I've found myself asking, what is it?  How can we come to this most joyous holiday with the heaviest of hearts?

I feel like this is one of those moments where I would be sitting in a nursing home, seeking the wise counsel of an elderly couple.  I'm pretty sure they'd turn to each other, smile, and softly say, "Mmmm life..."

We all come to Christmas -- the season and the day itself -- with hurts and pains, hardships and brokenness from the past 358 days.  In some cases, we come to Christmas with wounds from the past 7,160 days -- maybe 21,900 days, you never know.  Some things perhaps we have dealt with, and other things we haven't.  So much is brushed under the rug or stored away in a secret glass jar which no one can touch let alone simply see.  While each individual's story varies at great lengths, I've lived enough (though very little at that) to know one cannot live too many days on this earth without experiencing sorrow.  Any number of days can result in any number of scars.  

We say hurtful, spiteful things to one another.  We act with contempt and arrogance.  We find our value in what others think of us and wind up feeling completely insignificant and insecure.  We allow anger and bitterness to control us.  We scour the world for any possible something that could satisfy our hearts' desires and sooner or later wind up eating from the same trough as the pigs.  We follow our own wishes, seek our own ways, desire our names are made great above all else.  We willingly destroy the bodies and minds we've been given under the guise of, "I just can't help it."  Alcoholism.  Sex.  Porn.  Drugs.  Perfectionism.  Performance.  We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it.  "My will be done," my life often seems to convey.  We vie for attention and recognition, and we're frustrated and confused when all that we sought wasn't quite what we'd hoped it would be.

Others say hurtful things to us.  Not only do others say hurtful things, sadly some people do very hurtful things.  The world hurtful doesn't even come close to depicting the depth of some of these deep-rooted wounds.  Physical abuse.  Verbal abuse.  Sexual abuse.  Rape.  Genocide.  Murder.  Neglect.  My heart breaks as the list goes on and on.  As if the brokenness we experience in our relationships isn't enough, we experience brokenness in our circumstances.  Unemployment.  Divorce.  Death.  Suffering.  Homelessness.  Hunger.  Cancer.  AIDS.  Poverty.  Terrorism.

Yet I still want to put on my favorite shade of red lipstick (Burt's Bees Rasin), my classiest set of pearl earrings, a brand new sparkly dress, and act like everything's "better than fine -- perfect, in fact.  I live in the Leave-it-to-Beaver house everyone wants.  I go to church every Sunday.  Yes, I have problems, but they don't affect me.  I make casseroles like Martha Stewart, workout with Jillian Michaels, lead like Margaret Thatcher, and serve like Mother Teresa.  And you know what, I'm married to a guy who looks like Ryan Gosling, works like J.P. Morgan, and lives just like Christ."

Again I picture the elderly couple -- they're holding back the laughter.

We know that isn't reality.

But gosh dangit, why is that so hard to come to terms with?  I know it's not the reality, but I want it to be.  I want to be fine.  I want to shut everything that's ever gone wrong in my life or the world around me in a cedar chest, stick it in the attic, take a deep breath for composure, and head downstairs to host the loveliest Christmas dinner the fam has ever seen.  But it just doesn't work like that.  I've tried, though it seems there isn't a big enough chest for the long haul.

Now I don't want to generalize because I have no idea where ya'll are at, but if I'm honest with myself, my frustration and heavy-heartedness aren't particularly rooted so much in the world's lack of perfection but in my neediness.  I'm so often heavy-hearted because I'm so needy, yet I'm so quick to deny my need.  "If I admit I need help with one thing, I might realize I need a lot more help than I thought, and I don't need help.  I don't need anything or anyone.  I'm self-sufficient, driven, and determined.  I'm fine."  False.  I'm in deep need.

As I am willing to admit my need, surprisingly the very thing I thought would constrain me, sets me free.  "Lord, I'm a mess.  I am weary and broken and sinful.  I'm so sinful.  I have broken countless times either the letter or the spirit of every one of God's Ten Commandments.  I am so often fearful, self-seeking, prideful, arrogant, rude, angry, bitter, selfish, selfish, and oh-so selfish.  I've been hurt by others, and I've inflicted hurt to others in my insensitivity and -- "

It's almost as if He stops me right there and takes me back to the field...

"And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.'"

And all of the sudden, everything else seems to fade further into the distance.  The sin, the pain, the suffering, the heartbreak and brokenness, they're all still there, but they're no longer at the forefront of my mind because He is here.  Jesus has come.  Our loving, faithful Father has provided an answer to all of the questions and problems and lies we've ever believed.  

Jesus.  

Though we were sinful, He came.  Though He knew we would mock and reject and disdain Him, He came.  Though He knew we would inflict pain upon Him to the point of death, He came.  In His deep, unfathomable love and grace, He came willingly.  

He came for us.  

Jesus came that we might know that when the Bible says God has loved us with an everlasting love, we can believe every word.  We can trust that God loves us more than we could ever imagine because He was willing to give up what was most precious to Him for the lousiest of the lousiest group of scoundrels.  Jesus came so we could know God and experience relationship with Him in the way He intended.

But the story doesn't end there.  With humility, obedience, and victory, Jesus came and lived the perfect life we never could.  He was fully man and fully God.  He never sinned, even though He was tempted by Satan himself.  Jesus genuinely loved people with His whole heart.  He always put His Father first, always thought of others before Himself, and was perfect in every way.  

Yet, He took our place.  It’s this idea of substitutionary sacrifice.  We're sinful, and the God says in the Bible that the wages of sin is death.  So that's the way it goes.  We deserve to die.  

But though we deserved to die, Jesus took on the punishment for our sin on the cross and bore the very wrath of God for us, so we wouldn't have to because He loves us.  We don't have to be perfect because Christ has been perfect on our behalf.  We are able to confess our neediness, and He meets us right where we are -- always -- because He didn’t just die.  Jesus died and rose from death. And in His resurrection lies the entire basis of our faith. He defeated sin and death and was triumphant. And if we confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord and believe in our hearts that God raised him from the dead, we are SAVED.  We have salvation -- the promise of life with God forever and ever and ever and ever.

As if that isn't incredible enough...!  Through trusting Christ, God has given us not only salvation, but He has flooded our hearts with His light.  He has made us new and adopted us into His family, where we have become sons and daughters of the Most High King.  He has given us the Holy Spirit to live within us, to assure our hearts that we are never, ever, ever, ever, ever alone.

 All the grace, all the forgiveness, all the redemption, all the security, all the comfort, all the peace, all the joy, all the stability, all the hope we could ever need and more is found in Christ.  God has provided for us in Christ everything.  We don't have to stuff all of our pain and sorrow and sin into our cedar chests and throw them in the attic, because Jesus identifies with us in our weakness.  He understands the depth of brokenness in our world because He experienced it Himself.  Our circumstances will constantly be in flux, but He will never change.  He is our constant.  In Him, we always find rest for our weary, hurting souls.

Because Jesus came, died, and rose again, we are forgiven and redeemed.  Our sins are washed white as snow.  We are made new, and God has given us the perfect big brother who never leaves, always protects, always provides, always encourages, always sacrifices, always serves, always saves, always teaches,  and always loves.  Christ has committed to sanctifying us and preparing us for our home in heaven until we greet Him at the pearly gates.  

Jesus told us the truth that in this life, we will experience trouble and sorrow, but to take heart, for He has overcome the world. Though we will continue to experience hurt and sin in the world, we now always have reason for deep, abundant joy!  Furthermore, He promised that there will be a day when all the bad things will come undone.  He will wipe every tear from our eyes, and death will be no more.  Neither will there by any mourning, nor crying, nor pain any more, for the former things will pass away.  For He is making all things new.

To think it all began in a manger...!

Turn on some Christmas carols, deck the halls with boughs of holly, sing sweet Silent Night because our Savior has been born -- Christ the Lord!  We were lost, but now we're found.  We were blind, but now we see.  Thank you, Lord, for the best gift we could ever receive.

Praying your holiday season is full of Jesus.

Take heart.  He's here.  He loves you.

For the People Like Me

happy tuesday, homies:)  I hope you're reading this having had an enjoyable week thus far -- maybe you're still snuggled up in your jammerz (jealous) or chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool ... shooting some bball outside of the school.  If yall are like me, a week ago today marked the beginning of the last semester of my college experience.  Not gonna lie -- I hate it.  I pretty much freakin' love college.  The University of Oklahoma has been pretty dang good to me.  Praise be to God!  It has been a crazy past three and a half years, but every second of it has taught me SO much.  

I'll stop there, but I can imagine you saw where that was headed -- walk down Memory Lane...  So I've been a bit sentimental/nostalgic lately...  I can't deny it.  Maybe you know how it goes...  I suppose it tends to be this way at every major "junction" in life.  You're finally taking some deep breaths and getting settled in when you realize your current road is coming to an end and you have to pick a new one.  It can be a little overwhelming, but as I said, such is life.  Good thing we're in it together.  Nonetheless, over Christmas Break, I was so lucky to venture to our nation's capitol with a few of my amigas to explore my future home for the next two years come June!  

It was so fun and exciting but also a little bit scary.  The east coast is just a little different, and let's be real, I am just an Oklahomie through and through.  I LOVE this state.  I love my family.  I love Johnnie's and the North and South Oval and walking around Lake Hefner with my mommy in the summertime, baking with my sissy in the winter, and playing tennis with my daddio in the spring.  I love having a church and a CVS on every street corner.  I love wide open spaces -- room to make your big mistakes, eh?  I love seeing the people who are so near and dear to my heart on a daily basis and sharing life with the best community on planet earth.  Oklahoma ROCKS.

All that being said, the Lord taught me some seriously life-changing things while I was in DC over the course of a mere four-ish days.  It's funny how you can just be walking along some big city street with tons of people around when the Holy Spirit snaps you back to reality -- ooh there goes gravity -- and everything seems to suddenly shift back into perspective.  

Here's how it all went down.  So as I said, I'm walking along Pennsylvania Avenue with Claire and LJ when I began thinking to myself, "Man, I wish DC was bigger," and "I wish I was going to be making more money and I could live in a nicer part of town," and "This is going to be so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  I'm not going to have any friends. Dangit, I'm never going to be successful."

Yep, it's true.  It's laaaame.  It's disgusting.  But it's real.  I really thought those things.  Instead of rejoicing over where the Lord placed me and all the ways He was affirming me in how I am supposed to be there, I started thinking, "Nope, this just really isn't what I expected.  This isn't really good enough for me."

But about that time, the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks.  Even recalling it this very second, I have chills all over my body.

"Cait," the quiet voice whispered,  "Thaaatt isn't what life is about at all."

>>Lemme just say, God is soooooooo gentle with us.  Sometimes I deserve a serious shake and firm stare-down directly from the heavens above, but He comes beside me gently and lovingly reminds me of the truth.<<

In that moment as the Holy Spirit and I were having a serious heart-to-heart, I realized that it seems so glamorous to move to some big city and work for a cool, hip corporation or organization joined with a social movement.  And know I'm not in any way trying to diminish the need or necessity for such organizations because they are so awesome and doing INCREDIBLE things for the people of our nation and world alike.  But when I'm honest with myself, I know some of my motives for wanting to be a part of Teach for America and move to Washington, DC were selfish, in that it's a big city and cool, and as I said, seems somewhat glamorous, I suppose.  But here's the reality...  

It's something we all know, something we've heard thousands of times, I'm sure, but until you really wrestle with it, until you really REALIZE how much your sinful nature desires the things of this world... whoaaa baby.

It doesn't matter where you live.  It doesn't matter what you're doing or how many friends you have or what kind of car you drive.  It doesn't matter how much money is in your bank account or what shoes you have on your feet.  Heck, when it comes down to it, it doesn't really particularly matter all that much in the long run whether you wear shoes or not at all.  It doesn't matter how many nick-knacks you have lying on your shelves or how many miles you can run or how many beers you can down or how many countries you've been to or how many people you've shared Jesus with.  It doesn't matter what you look like or who likes you or  whether your married or single or listed as "in a relationship" on the good, ole' FB.

Unless you seek to satisfied by Jesus Christ alone... 

You'll always be left wanting more.

It's a truth that literally almost brings me to tears.  And in this battle between our flesh and the Spirit inside of us, we are often times our own worst enemies.  Gosh, I don't know what it is for you.  I don't know if it's money or how much you weigh or your level of academic achievement or success or awards or sex or people or accomplishments... The things of this world are so fleeting and so unsatisfactory that none of them will ever fully satisfy us.  Maybe they will for a little while.  But not forever. 

So I guess life's rough and sometimes sucks and you'll never be fully satisfied, so what's the point?

the end 

see ya never

have a good night?

no stinkin' way

and PTL for that!

That's not the end of the story... And truly PRAISE the LORD it's not because that would be mayyyybeeee the ickiest story ever.  But that isn't the story we've been invited to share in -- that's not why we were created or how we were created or what we were created for.  Deep breaths, everyone.  Think soothing thoughts.

whew.

I don't know where you are in your life.  I can't say where your heart is or what you're struggling with.  And honestly, some of you might not even know yourselves.  Sometimes we don't really fully understand the things we're going through or how they're affecting us emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  But I want you to ask yourself these questions...

Did you ever think that attaining a certain goal would make you happier?

Have you ever thought that once you get married, life will be good to go?

You won't desire anything anymore?

Or if you could just make X amount of money, life would be so much easier?

Or if you only had more friends, that's when life would really be great...

Or maybe if you could just overcome these obstacles... 

Gosh, if you only looked like her... 

Or if you could just forget about the pain of my past... 

If you could only move on...

THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! 

happily ever after would come to life.

Life would be full of peonies, puppies, and pretty/little hearts.

Okay, so I assume most of us know that isn't the reality...

But at one point or another, I have said yes to many of these questions and soooo many more.  And to some extent these things are good.  It is so great to set goals and dream big dreams and want to move on from hurts and pains of the past.  It's okay to collect nick-knacks and get married and make money!  But when those things become what our eyes our fixed upon, the things we hope for and desire, they won't ever make the cut.  In fact, I'm convinced, the more we get, the more we'll want.  It's an ongoing, unending cycle and honestly can be pretty tough to get out of sometimes.

But COOLEST PART...  We were created with desires.  We were CREATED TO DESIRE.  We were created to seek comfort and joy and satisfaction and hope and love and peace.  We were CREATED to desire those things.  In fact, we were created to NEED these things.  We can't fully function in the way we were designed to function without them.  But contrary to popular belief, no amount of yoga will ever fulfill my need for peace.  I can't wait to be married and have a family one day, but my husband and children will never completely satisfy my need for love and affection and joy and comfort.  I won't be able to fully satisfy them either -- and PTL for that -- what a freeing truth and reason #59283410983 why Jesus MUST be the center of all relationships.

We were created to need and desire these things because there is something that can fulfill them.

It's Jesus.

JESUS!!!!

Jesus knows everything.  He knows our hurts.  He knows our failures.  He knows what we look to and go to, hoping that we find satisfaction or fulfillment.  He KNOWS.  And He offers us living water anyway.  He knows that nothing we look to will satisfy us, but He knows HE CAN and HE WILL.  That doesn't mean that there won't be times you still sin or fail or desire the things of this world -- we're human.  But with Jesus, we can walk into situations of unrest and have peace.  We can live in a world void of love and be loved by our heavenly Father -- our AbbaDaddy, as I like to call Him.  In a world where we cannot produce joy or hope on our own, JESUS produces a joy within us and gives us hope that none can surpass.  

Wherever you are, whatever you're going through, whatever you've been through, there is HOPE in finding fulfillment.  THERE IS HOPE in a broken and decaying world.  THERE IS LOVE and GRACE and MERCY and JOY and PEACE and KINDNESS.  There is LIGHT in the darkness.  But the only light, love, joy, peace, and hope that will last forever...  is Jesus.  

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.  If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud.  Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing." -CS Lewis

Glory, glory, glory to God in the highest for accepting us no matter what, for loving us no matter what, for calling us His children and never giving up on us.  Glory to God for allowing us to feel desire that we might also experience that desire being fulfilled.

We love you, Lord, and may we look to you for fulfillment and satisfaction, believing you alone will satisfy.

For Those who CELEBRATE

merry christmas, oklahomies!  

"At that time the Roman emperor, Augustus, decreed that a census should be taken throughout the Roman Empire.  All returned to their own ancestral towns to register for this census.  And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David's ancient home.  He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee.  He took with him Mary, his fiancee, who was now obviously pregnant.  And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born.  She gave birth to her first child, a son.  She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.  That night there were shepherds staying in the fields nearby, guarding their flocks of sheep.  Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord's glory surrounded them.  They were terrified, but the angel of the Lord reassured, 'Don't be afraid!  I bring you great news that will bring great joy to all people.  The Savior -- yes the Messiah, the Lord -- has been born tonight in Bethlehem.'" -Luke 2:1-11

great news 

that will bring

great joy

to all people

the SAVIOR has been born

Praise be to Jesus that in His perfect humility and power, He became a man that he might reveal to us the character of God and ultimately to die an unjust death, so that we who deserve death might be free -- free to dance and sing and celebrate for always and forever.  And all of it was done not out of obligation but out of love.  His unending, abounding, unchanging, unconditional love for us is greater than we will ever know, but it is in and through the life of Jesus that we catch a glimpse of how far He was willing to go to prove that His love for us will never change.  The story of Christmas -- the story of Jesus -- is special and crazy and almost unreal.  Maybe mostly because it's almost uncanny to think another individual might love us that much -- let alone God.  Then again, they say love causes people to do some seemingly crazy things.  Praise God that we might come to understand even the slightest capacity of His great love for us through the life of Jesus.  

Thank you, Jesus, for loving us, giving us LIFE, PEACE, MEANING, PURPOSE, HOPE, STRENGTH, WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, GRACE, MERCY, LOVE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, the list goes on.  Thank you that in you we are forgiven forever and that we find FREEDOM that knows no bounds.  Thank you that your message includes everyone, and that it is through you alone we can know truly experience a joyful life in all circumstances.

JOY to the WORLD 
the Lord has come

His name is Jesus, and by His divine power, mercy, grace, and love, He will never leave us or foresake us or cast us out to die but stands beside us in all things, bearing the bad and sharing in the good.  We're the luckiest little munchkins in the whole wide world.  Though we'll never fully understand your deep love for us, we love you.  May our songs ring loud in all the earth this CHRISTMAS day -- they're all for you!

All my love!

For the Real-Life Humans

words of wisdom

from one of my favorites
frederick buechner

“It is a world of magic and mystery, of deep darkness and flickering starlight. It is a world where terrible things happen and wonderful things too. It is a world where goodness is pitted against evil, love against hate, order against chaos, in a great struggle where often it is hard to be sure who belongs to which side because appearances are endlessly deceptive. Yet for all its confusion and wildness, it is a world where 

the battle goes ultimately to the good, 

who live happily ever after, and where in the long run everybody, good and evil alike, becomes known by his true name....That is the fairy tale of the Gospel with, of course, one crucial difference from all other fairy tales, which is that the claim made for it is that it is true, that it not only happened once upon a time but has kept on happening ever since and is happening still.” 

-Telling the Truth: The Gospel as Tragedy, Comedy and Fairy Tale

“We need to be reminded that at its heart Christianity is joy and that laughter and freedom and the reaching out of arms are the essence of it.  We need to be reminded to that joy is not the same as happiness.  Happiness is man-made -- a happy home, a happy marriage, a happy relationship with our friends and our jobs.  We work for those things, and if we're careful and wise and lucky, we can usually achieve them.  Happiness is one of the highest achievements of which we are capable, and when it is ours, we take credit for it, and properly so. But we never take credit for our moments of joy because we know that they are not man-made and that we are never fully responsible for them.  

They come when they come.  They are always sudden and quick and unrepeatable.  The unspeakable joy sometimes of just being alive.  The miracle sometimes of being just who we are with the blue sky and the green grass, the faces of our friends and the waves of the ocean, being just what they are.  The joy of release, of being suddenly well when before we were sick, of being forgiven when before we were ashamed and afraid, of finding ourselves loved when we were lost and alone.  The joy of love, which is the joy of the flesh as well as the spirit.  But each of us can supply his own moments, so just two more things.  One is that joy is always all-encompassing; there is nothing of us left over to hate with or to be afraid with, to feel guilty with or to be selfish about.  JOY is where the whole being is pointed in one direction, and it is something that by nature a man never hoards but always wants to share.  The second thing is that JOY is a mystery because it can happen anywhere, anytime, even under the most unpromising circumstances, even in the midst of suffering, with tears in its eyes.  

Even nailed to a tree.” 

-The Hungering Dark

“I have come to believe that by and large the human family all has the same secrets, which are both very telling and very important to tell. They are telling in the sense that they tell what is perhaps the central paradox of our condition— that what we hunger for perhaps more than anything else is to be known in our full humanness, and yet that is often just what we also fear more than anything else. It is important to tell at least from time to time the secret of who we truly and fully are—even if we tell it only to ourselves—because otherwise we run the risk of losing track of who we truly and fully are and little by little come to accept instead the highly edited version which we put forth in hope that the world will find it more acceptable than the real thing. It is important to tell our secrets too because it makes it easier that way to see where we have been in our lives and where we are going. It also makes it easier for other people to tell us a secret or two of their own, and exchanges like that have a lot to do with what being a family is all about and what being human is all about.  Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most precious we have to tell.” 

-Telling Secrets

Frederick Buechner speaks such words of wisdom and truth into my life through his books about the realities of our own humanness -- our hopes, dreams, faults, and failures.  And that above all else, there is a key feature that links all of our hearts together and that is that we were all created by a single creator, who loved us so much that He died so we might have life.  I hope his words bless your lives just as much as they've blessed mine!  

More to come.  All my love!

For the Satisfied and Unsatisfied Alike

On this absolutely BEAUTIFUL Sunday evening, from blue skies to green trees to fresh water, there is so much to PTL (praise the Lord) for.  Praise the Lord for feet on which I love to skip and dance and play and frolic!  PTL for alarm clocks, coffee makers, the new Bagel Cafe, OU football, and Pilot G-2 05 pens.  PTL for friends -- friends whom I don't deserve because they're too good to me and love me like Jesus does, even when I'm selfish and inconsiderate and a tearful mess.  PTL for running buddies and finding lost things.  PTL for Kathleen Kelly and Joe Foxx, who never fail to make my heart flutter with joy.

PTL for marriage -- my best friend got engaged last week!  I could not be more excited for her and Stephen.  I'm so lucky to be their friends.

Aren't they the cutest?  They might hate me for that, but it's okay.  I am so lucky to call them both two of my best friends.  They are both so wise and genuine and truly live Gospel-centered lives.  I couldn't be happier for them!  I know the Lord is going to bless them so much, and SO many people are going to see what Christ's sacrificial love looks like through the way Stephen and Megan love each other.  I know He's going to use them to do INCREDIBLE things for the Kingdom, and I'm so lucky to witness it!

The list of PTLs could go on and on -- and it does forever and always.  But ultimately on this pretty day of September, what I want to give so much praise to the Lord for, is that even when I am so honest about my sin and brokenness, He loves me.  Even when my values are completely out-of-whack, and I put my hope and try to find satisfaction in people or ideas or the approval of others, He loves me.

ohhhh satisfaction.

The Rolling Stones were right.  I can't get no-ne of it -- unless I'm looking to find it in the soul source of satisfaction, which is the Lord.  Now I'm not sure they were particularly meaning to point to the truth that no matter where we look for satisfaction in life, we never find it.  But they were pointing to that truth!  (I feel like maybe I should Google the meanings of those lyrics and make sure they weren't referring to sexual satisfaction or something, as that would be somewhat mortifying.  But if so, forgive me because I'm just a sheltered, little munchkin who has lots to learn about the ways of the world...)

Whoa okay, that got a little racy there for a bit!  Nonetheless, the Lord has been teaching me so much recently about the idea that we can't be satisfied in Him until we not only know but believe He is enough and ALLOW Him to satisfy us.

Honestly, it can be rather difficult to let all that we are wait patiently before the Lord, placing our hope completely in Him because that means that we have to relinquish our firm grip on our lives and trust that the Lord has our best interest at heart -- no matter what.  In Matthew 5, Jesus is teaching about the ways of the world.  Over and over again, He says, "The world says this, but I say this..."  Whereas the world tells us that things and people and awards and honors and accolades will satisfy us, Jesus says ...

"I AM ENOUGH not only because of WHO I AM but because of who you are in relation to me."

I think that when we begin to understand the magnitude of the Lord's love for us as His children, we cannot help but realize that He is the real deal.  Despite our sinfulness and brokenness and hard-heartedness, He looks at us and sees His precious children whom He loves SO much that He was willing to die for us -- literally.  No matter how we perceive ourselves, this is how the Lord sees us...

He delights in our beauty.  He knows every detail about our lives, our thoughts, our hearts.  He lives among us.  He rejoices over us.  He calms our fears.  He gives us peace.  He is love.  He is trustworthy.  No one can snatch us out of His hands.   He is patient.  He heals.  He is all-powerful and all-knowing.  He is our Father, who loves us unconditionally, is slow to anger and quick to forgive.  All of creation REVEALS His name and His glory.  He looks at us and sees His precious little munchkins, who are honored and precious to Him.

Most precious baby everrrrr.  

I cannot wait to be a mommyyyy -- can but can't, you know what I'm sayin?!

I digress, but even more than that, He is a man of His word.  I so value an individual's word, and the Lord fulfills His promises -- every time.  Not only that, but His words and actions are one in the same.  And we know this because throughout Jesus' ministry, He spoke of forgiveness and unconditional love and sacrificing one's own desires that the will of His Father might be done.  And then, in His great love for us, Jesus was brutally killed.  It is written that, "Even as we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  He died for the very people who spoke against His name, who spoke against His truth, who denied the validity of His power and truth. 

I'm a huge Friends fan, and there is an episode, in which my good, ole' bestie Phoebe tries to prove that there IS such a thing as a completely selfless good deed.

It's hilarious and without trying to reveals so much about human nature that often times the good things we do are to be known and noticed by others and bring glory to ourselves.  Now I think there can be selfless good deeds at times, but the ultimate selfless good deed was done by the only truly selfless man who ever lived.

And when we begin to understand that JESUS -- perfect, selfless Jesus, died so that we -- selfish, sinful, humans might have life and life abundantly -- I think we will begin to understand why He is the only true source of satisfaction.  We can spend every day searching for love and comfort and peace and hope and grace and truth in all these different avenues, but ultimately there is only one true source for each one of these things -- they all come from Him alone.  And maybe you can look to people or things or approval and be satisfied in them for a little while, but I promise -- I know from personal experience -- eventually all of those things fade and only leave you wanting more.

John 4 tells the story of the woman at the well.  It's one of my favorite stories because it's a reflection of myself.  While I haven't been married five times, nor have I ever even been married for that matter, it's a story of a woman who is looking for life and satisfaction in people who will never fully satisfy.  But Jesus comes to her and speaks to her, knowing every detail about her past and insecurities and faults and failures.  And He offers her living water -- a cup that will overflow forever.  

That's not to say that Jesus offers her a life that will always be easy, but it does mean that in all situations, in every circumstance, when we look to Jesus as for satisfaction, He will never disappoint, for He cannot deny who He is.  And everything else in life, relationships or hobbies or whatever else we find joy in, just cause our cups to overflow that much more!  Praise be to the Lord.

"For the Lord has been good to us, 

and we are filled with JOY!" -Psalm 126:3

Thank you, Jesus, for loving us and accepting us despite our tendency toward selfishness.  Thank you for forgiving us even when we speak your truth with our lips and deny you with our actions.  Thank you for dying on the cross, that we might have the Holy Spirit live inside of us and be connected to the ultimate, true source of joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control -- for always and forever.  You're the coolest.  We're so undeserving of your great love for us.