For the People Like Me

happy tuesday, homies:)  I hope you're reading this having had an enjoyable week thus far -- maybe you're still snuggled up in your jammerz (jealous) or chillin' out max and relaxin' all cool ... shooting some bball outside of the school.  If yall are like me, a week ago today marked the beginning of the last semester of my college experience.  Not gonna lie -- I hate it.  I pretty much freakin' love college.  The University of Oklahoma has been pretty dang good to me.  Praise be to God!  It has been a crazy past three and a half years, but every second of it has taught me SO much.  

I'll stop there, but I can imagine you saw where that was headed -- walk down Memory Lane...  So I've been a bit sentimental/nostalgic lately...  I can't deny it.  Maybe you know how it goes...  I suppose it tends to be this way at every major "junction" in life.  You're finally taking some deep breaths and getting settled in when you realize your current road is coming to an end and you have to pick a new one.  It can be a little overwhelming, but as I said, such is life.  Good thing we're in it together.  Nonetheless, over Christmas Break, I was so lucky to venture to our nation's capitol with a few of my amigas to explore my future home for the next two years come June!  

It was so fun and exciting but also a little bit scary.  The east coast is just a little different, and let's be real, I am just an Oklahomie through and through.  I LOVE this state.  I love my family.  I love Johnnie's and the North and South Oval and walking around Lake Hefner with my mommy in the summertime, baking with my sissy in the winter, and playing tennis with my daddio in the spring.  I love having a church and a CVS on every street corner.  I love wide open spaces -- room to make your big mistakes, eh?  I love seeing the people who are so near and dear to my heart on a daily basis and sharing life with the best community on planet earth.  Oklahoma ROCKS.

All that being said, the Lord taught me some seriously life-changing things while I was in DC over the course of a mere four-ish days.  It's funny how you can just be walking along some big city street with tons of people around when the Holy Spirit snaps you back to reality -- ooh there goes gravity -- and everything seems to suddenly shift back into perspective.  

Here's how it all went down.  So as I said, I'm walking along Pennsylvania Avenue with Claire and LJ when I began thinking to myself, "Man, I wish DC was bigger," and "I wish I was going to be making more money and I could live in a nicer part of town," and "This is going to be so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  I'm not going to have any friends. Dangit, I'm never going to be successful."

Yep, it's true.  It's laaaame.  It's disgusting.  But it's real.  I really thought those things.  Instead of rejoicing over where the Lord placed me and all the ways He was affirming me in how I am supposed to be there, I started thinking, "Nope, this just really isn't what I expected.  This isn't really good enough for me."

But about that time, the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks.  Even recalling it this very second, I have chills all over my body.

"Cait," the quiet voice whispered,  "Thaaatt isn't what life is about at all."

>>Lemme just say, God is soooooooo gentle with us.  Sometimes I deserve a serious shake and firm stare-down directly from the heavens above, but He comes beside me gently and lovingly reminds me of the truth.<<

In that moment as the Holy Spirit and I were having a serious heart-to-heart, I realized that it seems so glamorous to move to some big city and work for a cool, hip corporation or organization joined with a social movement.  And know I'm not in any way trying to diminish the need or necessity for such organizations because they are so awesome and doing INCREDIBLE things for the people of our nation and world alike.  But when I'm honest with myself, I know some of my motives for wanting to be a part of Teach for America and move to Washington, DC were selfish, in that it's a big city and cool, and as I said, seems somewhat glamorous, I suppose.  But here's the reality...  

It's something we all know, something we've heard thousands of times, I'm sure, but until you really wrestle with it, until you really REALIZE how much your sinful nature desires the things of this world... whoaaa baby.

It doesn't matter where you live.  It doesn't matter what you're doing or how many friends you have or what kind of car you drive.  It doesn't matter how much money is in your bank account or what shoes you have on your feet.  Heck, when it comes down to it, it doesn't really particularly matter all that much in the long run whether you wear shoes or not at all.  It doesn't matter how many nick-knacks you have lying on your shelves or how many miles you can run or how many beers you can down or how many countries you've been to or how many people you've shared Jesus with.  It doesn't matter what you look like or who likes you or  whether your married or single or listed as "in a relationship" on the good, ole' FB.

Unless you seek to satisfied by Jesus Christ alone... 

You'll always be left wanting more.

It's a truth that literally almost brings me to tears.  And in this battle between our flesh and the Spirit inside of us, we are often times our own worst enemies.  Gosh, I don't know what it is for you.  I don't know if it's money or how much you weigh or your level of academic achievement or success or awards or sex or people or accomplishments... The things of this world are so fleeting and so unsatisfactory that none of them will ever fully satisfy us.  Maybe they will for a little while.  But not forever. 

So I guess life's rough and sometimes sucks and you'll never be fully satisfied, so what's the point?

the end 

see ya never

have a good night?

no stinkin' way

and PTL for that!

That's not the end of the story... And truly PRAISE the LORD it's not because that would be mayyyybeeee the ickiest story ever.  But that isn't the story we've been invited to share in -- that's not why we were created or how we were created or what we were created for.  Deep breaths, everyone.  Think soothing thoughts.

whew.

I don't know where you are in your life.  I can't say where your heart is or what you're struggling with.  And honestly, some of you might not even know yourselves.  Sometimes we don't really fully understand the things we're going through or how they're affecting us emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  But I want you to ask yourself these questions...

Did you ever think that attaining a certain goal would make you happier?

Have you ever thought that once you get married, life will be good to go?

You won't desire anything anymore?

Or if you could just make X amount of money, life would be so much easier?

Or if you only had more friends, that's when life would really be great...

Or maybe if you could just overcome these obstacles... 

Gosh, if you only looked like her... 

Or if you could just forget about the pain of my past... 

If you could only move on...

THEN!!! FINALLY!!!! 

happily ever after would come to life.

Life would be full of peonies, puppies, and pretty/little hearts.

Okay, so I assume most of us know that isn't the reality...

But at one point or another, I have said yes to many of these questions and soooo many more.  And to some extent these things are good.  It is so great to set goals and dream big dreams and want to move on from hurts and pains of the past.  It's okay to collect nick-knacks and get married and make money!  But when those things become what our eyes our fixed upon, the things we hope for and desire, they won't ever make the cut.  In fact, I'm convinced, the more we get, the more we'll want.  It's an ongoing, unending cycle and honestly can be pretty tough to get out of sometimes.

But COOLEST PART...  We were created with desires.  We were CREATED TO DESIRE.  We were created to seek comfort and joy and satisfaction and hope and love and peace.  We were CREATED to desire those things.  In fact, we were created to NEED these things.  We can't fully function in the way we were designed to function without them.  But contrary to popular belief, no amount of yoga will ever fulfill my need for peace.  I can't wait to be married and have a family one day, but my husband and children will never completely satisfy my need for love and affection and joy and comfort.  I won't be able to fully satisfy them either -- and PTL for that -- what a freeing truth and reason #59283410983 why Jesus MUST be the center of all relationships.

We were created to need and desire these things because there is something that can fulfill them.

It's Jesus.

JESUS!!!!

Jesus knows everything.  He knows our hurts.  He knows our failures.  He knows what we look to and go to, hoping that we find satisfaction or fulfillment.  He KNOWS.  And He offers us living water anyway.  He knows that nothing we look to will satisfy us, but He knows HE CAN and HE WILL.  That doesn't mean that there won't be times you still sin or fail or desire the things of this world -- we're human.  But with Jesus, we can walk into situations of unrest and have peace.  We can live in a world void of love and be loved by our heavenly Father -- our AbbaDaddy, as I like to call Him.  In a world where we cannot produce joy or hope on our own, JESUS produces a joy within us and gives us hope that none can surpass.  

Wherever you are, whatever you're going through, whatever you've been through, there is HOPE in finding fulfillment.  THERE IS HOPE in a broken and decaying world.  THERE IS LOVE and GRACE and MERCY and JOY and PEACE and KINDNESS.  There is LIGHT in the darkness.  But the only light, love, joy, peace, and hope that will last forever...  is Jesus.  

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.  If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud.  Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing." -CS Lewis

Glory, glory, glory to God in the highest for accepting us no matter what, for loving us no matter what, for calling us His children and never giving up on us.  Glory to God for allowing us to feel desire that we might also experience that desire being fulfilled.

We love you, Lord, and may we look to you for fulfillment and satisfaction, believing you alone will satisfy.

For the Satisfied and Unsatisfied Alike

On this absolutely BEAUTIFUL Sunday evening, from blue skies to green trees to fresh water, there is so much to PTL (praise the Lord) for.  Praise the Lord for feet on which I love to skip and dance and play and frolic!  PTL for alarm clocks, coffee makers, the new Bagel Cafe, OU football, and Pilot G-2 05 pens.  PTL for friends -- friends whom I don't deserve because they're too good to me and love me like Jesus does, even when I'm selfish and inconsiderate and a tearful mess.  PTL for running buddies and finding lost things.  PTL for Kathleen Kelly and Joe Foxx, who never fail to make my heart flutter with joy.

PTL for marriage -- my best friend got engaged last week!  I could not be more excited for her and Stephen.  I'm so lucky to be their friends.

Aren't they the cutest?  They might hate me for that, but it's okay.  I am so lucky to call them both two of my best friends.  They are both so wise and genuine and truly live Gospel-centered lives.  I couldn't be happier for them!  I know the Lord is going to bless them so much, and SO many people are going to see what Christ's sacrificial love looks like through the way Stephen and Megan love each other.  I know He's going to use them to do INCREDIBLE things for the Kingdom, and I'm so lucky to witness it!

The list of PTLs could go on and on -- and it does forever and always.  But ultimately on this pretty day of September, what I want to give so much praise to the Lord for, is that even when I am so honest about my sin and brokenness, He loves me.  Even when my values are completely out-of-whack, and I put my hope and try to find satisfaction in people or ideas or the approval of others, He loves me.

ohhhh satisfaction.

The Rolling Stones were right.  I can't get no-ne of it -- unless I'm looking to find it in the soul source of satisfaction, which is the Lord.  Now I'm not sure they were particularly meaning to point to the truth that no matter where we look for satisfaction in life, we never find it.  But they were pointing to that truth!  (I feel like maybe I should Google the meanings of those lyrics and make sure they weren't referring to sexual satisfaction or something, as that would be somewhat mortifying.  But if so, forgive me because I'm just a sheltered, little munchkin who has lots to learn about the ways of the world...)

Whoa okay, that got a little racy there for a bit!  Nonetheless, the Lord has been teaching me so much recently about the idea that we can't be satisfied in Him until we not only know but believe He is enough and ALLOW Him to satisfy us.

Honestly, it can be rather difficult to let all that we are wait patiently before the Lord, placing our hope completely in Him because that means that we have to relinquish our firm grip on our lives and trust that the Lord has our best interest at heart -- no matter what.  In Matthew 5, Jesus is teaching about the ways of the world.  Over and over again, He says, "The world says this, but I say this..."  Whereas the world tells us that things and people and awards and honors and accolades will satisfy us, Jesus says ...

"I AM ENOUGH not only because of WHO I AM but because of who you are in relation to me."

I think that when we begin to understand the magnitude of the Lord's love for us as His children, we cannot help but realize that He is the real deal.  Despite our sinfulness and brokenness and hard-heartedness, He looks at us and sees His precious children whom He loves SO much that He was willing to die for us -- literally.  No matter how we perceive ourselves, this is how the Lord sees us...

He delights in our beauty.  He knows every detail about our lives, our thoughts, our hearts.  He lives among us.  He rejoices over us.  He calms our fears.  He gives us peace.  He is love.  He is trustworthy.  No one can snatch us out of His hands.   He is patient.  He heals.  He is all-powerful and all-knowing.  He is our Father, who loves us unconditionally, is slow to anger and quick to forgive.  All of creation REVEALS His name and His glory.  He looks at us and sees His precious little munchkins, who are honored and precious to Him.

Most precious baby everrrrr.  

I cannot wait to be a mommyyyy -- can but can't, you know what I'm sayin?!

I digress, but even more than that, He is a man of His word.  I so value an individual's word, and the Lord fulfills His promises -- every time.  Not only that, but His words and actions are one in the same.  And we know this because throughout Jesus' ministry, He spoke of forgiveness and unconditional love and sacrificing one's own desires that the will of His Father might be done.  And then, in His great love for us, Jesus was brutally killed.  It is written that, "Even as we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  He died for the very people who spoke against His name, who spoke against His truth, who denied the validity of His power and truth. 

I'm a huge Friends fan, and there is an episode, in which my good, ole' bestie Phoebe tries to prove that there IS such a thing as a completely selfless good deed.

It's hilarious and without trying to reveals so much about human nature that often times the good things we do are to be known and noticed by others and bring glory to ourselves.  Now I think there can be selfless good deeds at times, but the ultimate selfless good deed was done by the only truly selfless man who ever lived.

And when we begin to understand that JESUS -- perfect, selfless Jesus, died so that we -- selfish, sinful, humans might have life and life abundantly -- I think we will begin to understand why He is the only true source of satisfaction.  We can spend every day searching for love and comfort and peace and hope and grace and truth in all these different avenues, but ultimately there is only one true source for each one of these things -- they all come from Him alone.  And maybe you can look to people or things or approval and be satisfied in them for a little while, but I promise -- I know from personal experience -- eventually all of those things fade and only leave you wanting more.

John 4 tells the story of the woman at the well.  It's one of my favorite stories because it's a reflection of myself.  While I haven't been married five times, nor have I ever even been married for that matter, it's a story of a woman who is looking for life and satisfaction in people who will never fully satisfy.  But Jesus comes to her and speaks to her, knowing every detail about her past and insecurities and faults and failures.  And He offers her living water -- a cup that will overflow forever.  

That's not to say that Jesus offers her a life that will always be easy, but it does mean that in all situations, in every circumstance, when we look to Jesus as for satisfaction, He will never disappoint, for He cannot deny who He is.  And everything else in life, relationships or hobbies or whatever else we find joy in, just cause our cups to overflow that much more!  Praise be to the Lord.

"For the Lord has been good to us, 

and we are filled with JOY!" -Psalm 126:3

Thank you, Jesus, for loving us and accepting us despite our tendency toward selfishness.  Thank you for forgiving us even when we speak your truth with our lips and deny you with our actions.  Thank you for dying on the cross, that we might have the Holy Spirit live inside of us and be connected to the ultimate, true source of joy, love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control -- for always and forever.  You're the coolest.  We're so undeserving of your great love for us.